how to pick up hot chizzards curb-crawling the discussion pages

[Mopkins]

in case ur all like, wtf is creativerse?  its minecraft with vacuum gloves


how to pick up hot chizzards curb-crawling the discussion pages

 
at first he gave a thumbs up
to the screenshot of my ass
in pixellated glory
with an explanatory story
that i made like a mandala
creativersely like a lama
but he didn't make a pass
 
then he made a comment
innocent and quite prophetic
and  said something in passing
by casually remarking
that he also made mandalas
was a packhorse type of lama
but was somewhat apathetic
 
after chatting to him
in the forum about nothing
i accepted his request
and was really quite unstressed
 we were now steam friends
and we made our rear ends
into chunky blocky somethings
 
in a multiple mandala
that we burst with pride for
and posted without thinking
after a night of heavy drinking
in the screenshot section
and in the art collection
with a little bit of lore
 
he proposed on the general forum
to the delight of the subscribers
we ended up united
by a clergyman excited
to be streaming live on twitch
the couple he made hitched
now creativerse survivors

[vagabond]

at first he gave a thumbs up
to the screenshot of my ass
in pixellated glory
with an explanatory story
that i made like a mandala
creativersely like a lama
but he didn't make a pass
 
then he made a comment                 maybe somehow get rid of second "make/made"
innocent and quite prophetic
and  said something in passing                "made an offering in passing"?  
by casually remarking                                 you could add "quite" after "by" for rhythm
that he also made mandalas               
was a packhorse type of lama   
but was somewhat apathetic                    "driven somewhat apathetic"?
 
after chatting to him                                 "upon a chat of hours"?
in the forum about nothing
i accepted his request
and was really quite unstressed
 we were now steam friends                  
and we made our rear ends                   insert a "have" infront of " made"?
into chunky blocky somethings                 
 
in a multiple mandala
that we burst with pride for                  
and posted without thinking
after a night of heavy drinking           
in the screenshot section                        
and in the art collection                 "as an art collection"?
with a little bit of lore                              
 
he proposed on the general forum          
to the delight of the subscribers              "all" instead of "the"?
we ended up united
by a clergyman excited
to be streaming live on twitch
the couple he made hitched
now creativerse survivors

a fun read. i guess my suggestions sound mostly weird but don´t know for sure, i hope some are useful.

[Mopkins]

at first he gave a thumbs up
to the screenshot of my ass
in pixellated glory
with an explanatory story
that i made like a mandala
creativersely like a lama
but he didn't make a pass

then he wrote a comment
innocent and quite prophetic
made an offering in passing
by quite casually remarking
that he also made mandalas
was a packhorse type of lama
driven somewhat apathetic

concluding chatting to him
in the forum about nothing
i accepted his request
and was really quite unstressed
we were now steam friends
and we made our rear ends insert a "have" infront of " made"? hmm might mess up the syllable count
into chunky blocky somethings

in a multiple mandala
that we burst with pride for
and posted without thinking
after a night of heavy drinking
in the screenshot section
and in the art collection "as an art collection"? steam had two sections, screenshots and artwork so appropriate
with a little bit of lore

he proposed on the general forum
to the delight of all subscribers
we ended up united
by a clergyman excited
to be streaming live on twitch
the couple he made hitched
now creativerse survivors




wot u all fink huh?

[Knot]

Enjoyed this Mopkins,
good pacing and tone.
Downsides, the rhythm is erratic and repetition of words
like 'made' diminish the force of it.
The use of language isn'tas exciting as it might be.
And quite how 'chizzards' relate to 'lamas' is never really explained.

S1
...
in pixellated glory
with an explanatory story
perhaps 'its pixillated glory, explanatory story'
don't quite follow how N made a story like a 'mandala'

S2
then he made a comment
innocent and quite prophetic
and said something in passing
this (L3) seems to be just rephrasing the first line

S3
after chatting to him
in the forum about nothing
'nothing' after 'quite prophetic'?

S4
in a multiple mandala
that we burst with pride for
ending on 'for' looks forced for the rhyme
...
in the screenshot section
and in the art collection
repeating 'in the'- reads as rather dull.
with a little bit of lore

S5
...
now creativerse survivors
don't understand 'survivors' in the context.

Best, Knot

[Mopkins]

https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/u...96B20EFDB/  mandala
it's a survival game like minecraft - hence creativerse survivors
chizzard- chook-like mob for slaughtering


at first he gave a thumbs up
to the screenshot of my ass
(in it's pixellated glory
with an explanatory story)
that i made like a mandala
creativersely like a lama
but he didn't make a pass

then he wrote a comment
innocent and quite prophetic
made an offering in passing
by quite casually remarking
that he also made mandalas
was a packhorse type of lama
driven somewhat apathetic

concluding chatting to him
in the forum about nothing
i accepted his request
and was really quite unstressed
we were now steam friends
and we made our rear ends
into chunky blocky somethings

in a multiple mandala
without a single flaw, which
we posted without thinking
after a night of heavy drinking
in the screenshot section
as an erotic art collection
with a little bit of lore


he proposed on the general forum
to the delight of all subscribers
we ended up united
by a clergyman excited
to be streaming live on twitch
the couple he made hitched
now creativerse survivors



any better?

[Erthona]

On the whole I liked it, I have always enjoyed "Tall Tales". A bit of the nomenclature left me grasping for meaning. It appeared to proceed smoothly syntactically and otherwise, but once again someone with familiarity with the language usage would know better than I. I did feel that the were several points where some judicious trimming would have helped with the pace and the focus. If'n I twernt so bazzoogled from changing the oil, I might have the what for necessary to go back and tell you where thems places be. But I don'ta so I won'ta.

I'm sure it will be a big hit with the locals and the tourist who can speak like Aussies.  

Here's to having Big Mobs of Amber fluid and an ace arvo,

Don'tchknow,

dale

[Mopkins]

cheers pal, appreciate sage advice u really need a steam account to 'get it' anyhow

thanks mate