Forgiveness

[dukealien]

Forgiveness


Forgiveness is the difficultest state
of mind to enter with sincerity—
but none's more needful, dissipating hate:
contrition's naught, forgiveness verity.
Apology can help:  it soothes a sting
of felt injustice, disrespect perceived—
but begging for indulgence cannot bring
release, unless forgiveness is received.
Still harder is a case where some will not
apologize because they stand accused
of what their grandsires did, or their race wrought,
who rightly feel their present selves abused.
But there, relenting's trouble isn't lack
of true confession, but that letting go
of vengeful motivations for attack
would leave a void—snuff out a warming glow.
And this is why forgiveness benefits
not each recipient but its free donor
whose soul it liberates from ancient writs
to daily live in unforced peace and honor.

[vagabond]

Forgiveness


Forgiveness is the difficultest state
of mind to enter with sincerity—
but none's more needful, dissipating hate:
contrition's naught, forgiveness verity.
Apology can help:  it soothes a sting
of felt injustice, disrespect perceived—
but begging for indulgence cannot bring
release, unless forgiveness is received.
Still harder is a case where some will not
apologize because they stand accused
of what their grandsires did, or their race wrought,
who rightly feel their present selves abused.
But there, relenting's trouble isn't lack
of true confession, but that letting go
of vengeful motivations for attack
would leave a void—snuff out a warming glow.
And this is why forgiveness benefits
not each recipient but its free donor
whose soul it liberates from ancient writs
to daily live in unforced peace and honor.

 the confession leaves a void too.. sometimes lifetimes/generations long. the bigger the sin the harder to acknowledge.
not sure if i understand the "warming glow" of keeping vengeful motivations ... isn´t this the same as a lack of confession?

the beginning seemed a little general.. maybe start the poem at "begging for undulgence..."
although i hate to suggest that seeing the effort you put in its form.
"still harder is a case..." sounds too analytic, but i don´t have a suggestion how to get the point of the following 4 lines across in another way.

i´d make the end weaker.. because this forgiveness it talks about almost sounds like wishful thinking.. even if it´s true.   
first i thought "honor" doesn´t fit next to "peace"
mostly honor seems a concept restored by revenge.  
.. but then, in another way honor is destroyed by guilt and the circle of revenge is never really working, so yes.. keep it there right next to peace.
but maybe write something like "try and live" in the last line instead of "daily live"?

[Achebe]

Forgiveness


Forgiveness is the difficultest state
of mind to enter with sincerity—
but none's more needful, dissipating hate:
contrition's naught, forgiveness verity.
Apology can help:  it soothes a sting
of felt injustice, disrespect perceived—
but begging for indulgence cannot bring
release, unless forgiveness is received.
Still harder is a case where some will not
apologize because they stand accused
of what their grandsires did, or their race wrought,
who rightly feel their present selves abused.
But there, relenting's trouble isn't lack
of true confession, but that letting go
of vengeful motivations for attack
would leave a void—snuff out a warming glow.
And this is why forgiveness benefits
not each recipient but its free donor
whose soul it liberates from ancient writs
to daily live in unforced peace and honor.

I don't know if a simple ababcdcd etc rhyming scheme helps. If you're sticking to regular rhyme and meter, then a more complicated rhyming scheme or a defined form such as a sonnet (Spenserian, no doubt) would be seen as a bit more of a challenge. As of now, the regularity and simplicity of the rhymes makes it a bit monotonic.

I don't mind the central hypothesis, but I think you're taking too long to come to the point in this one.

[Knot]

Hi dukealien
Kudos for the attempt.  I liked the linguistic ambition of this,
but, for me, it doesn't seem as weighty as it should;
perhaps due to simplicity of the rhymes and the lack of focus (that Achebe identified)

Forgiveness is the difficultest state
Not too keen on the first word repeating the title.
Don't mind the coining of new words, but
'difficultest' seems rather infantile, and at odds with the subject.
of mind to enter with sincerity—
'state of mind' is a bit clichéd, (state could have led to geography)
but none's more needful, dissipating hate:
contrition's naught, forgiveness verity.
don't follow this line, I'm afraid.
And 'verity' feels forced for the rhyme.

Apology can help: it soothes a sting
this rather contradicts 'contrition's naught'
of felt injustice, disrespect perceived—
'felt injustice' is rather jarring.
but begging for indulgence cannot bring
like injustice/indulgence
release, unless forgiveness is received.
Are you sure, theologically speaking?
I though indulgences could be bought.

Still harder is a case where some will not
apologize because they stand accused
of what their grandsires did, or their race wrought,
perhaps 'ancestors' for 'grandsires'?
or else something that does not involve repeating
'their' (you use it three times in two lines)
who rightly feel their present selves abused.
'rightly' makes this tricky for me.

But there, relenting's trouble isn't lack
don't follow 'relenting's trouble'
of true confession, but that letting go
of vengeful motivations for attack
would leave a void—snuff out a warming glow.
can't reconcile void/warming glow

And this is why forgiveness benefits
not each recipient but its free donor
'free donor', very odd.
whose soul it liberates from ancient writs
like 'ancient writs', but you've got both 'historical'
and contemporary acts in this piece.
to daily live in unforced peace and honor.

Hope this was of some use

Best, Knot.

[Richard]

Hey Duke,
I'm not a huge rhymer, so I'll try not to comment on that aspect of the poem. However, I do like what you're trying for here. I'll go into more detail below:

Forgiveness -This word is used throughout the poem, so I would suggest a different title. It's just too much repetition having it as the title as well.

Forgiveness is the difficultest state
of mind to enter with sincerity—
but none's more needful, dissipating hate:
contrition's naught, forgiveness verity.
Apology can help:  it soothes a sting -I would suggest starting the poem here. To me, the beginning is too generalized, where as the word "Apology" brings to mind some imagery.
of felt injustice, disrespect perceived— -I know "felt injustice" is there for rhythm. It just doesn't sound right to me.
but begging for indulgence cannot bring
release, unless forgiveness is received.
Still harder is a case where some will not
apologize because they stand accused
of what their grandsires did, or their race wrought, -"grandsires" seems like a old-fashion word to me. 
who rightly feel their present selves abused. -I feel like focusing on a specific example to support this idea of past wrongs would strengthen it immensely.
But there, relenting's trouble isn't lack
of true confession, but that letting go
of vengeful motivations for attack
would leave a void—snuff out a warming glow. -The "warming glow" image could be explored more.
And this is why forgiveness benefits  -I like personifying forgiveness. I just feel like you could go into more detail with it.
not each recipient but its free donor
whose soul it liberates from ancient writs -Who owns the soul referred to in this poem? This is a point that could be explained more.
to daily live in unforced peace and honor.

The more I worked on this critique, the more I realized how I truly felt about this piece. I do think you have a good idea here. However, I think you're a bit bogged down by the rhyme and rhythm, so my main suggestion would be to rewrite this as a free verse poem. Even if you decide to go back to rhyming and meter after that, I think rewriting it first without those constraints would help you focus in on exactly what you want to say here. Feel free to ignore this advice because I tend to lean more towards free verse than traditional verse. I feel like I was a bit all over the place with this critique, so I hope I said something helpful in here.

Cheers,
Richard

[nibbed]

Forgiveness


Forgiveness is the difficultest state
of mind to enter with sincerity—
but none's more needful, dissipating hate:
contrition's naught, forgiveness verity.
Apology can help:  it soothes a sting
of felt injustice, disrespect perceived—
but begging for indulgence cannot bring
release, unless forgiveness is received.
Still harder is a case where some will not
apologize because they stand accused
of what their grandsires did, or their race wrought,
who rightly feel their present selves abused.
But there, relenting's trouble isn't lack
of true confession, but that letting go
of vengeful motivations for attack
would leave a void—snuff out a warming glow.
And this is why forgiveness benefits
not each recipient but its free donor
whose soul it liberates from ancient writs
to daily live in unforced peace and honor.

hi dulealien,

I really like the subject of your poem,
it is important to forgive and be forgiven.
Not always easy to give or receive,
but important in order to heal.
I think the poem is too wordy, though,
and what are these ancient writs?


-nibbed

[blackdogwhitecarpet]

Forgiveness


Forgiveness is the difficultest state
of mind to enter with sincerity—
but none's more needful, dissipating hate:
contrition's naught, forgiveness verity.
Apology can help:  it soothes a sting
of felt injustice, disrespect perceived—
but begging for indulgence cannot bring
release, unless forgiveness is received.
Still harder is a case where some will not
apologize because they stand accused
of what their grandsires did, or their race wrought,
who rightly feel their present selves abused.
But there, relenting's trouble isn't lack
of true confession, but that letting go
of vengeful motivations for attack
would leave a void—snuff out a warming glow.
And this is why forgiveness benefits
not each recipient but its free donor
whose soul it liberates from ancient writs
to daily live in unforced peace and honor.

The tone is so grave in this. I'm not sure if it could be described as midcentury, but it seems so...stuffy, and for me, that flattens the writing. 
The last couple of lines seem to intimate that the "free donor" of forgiveness will find peace despite the reluctance of an apologizer. This gets really tricky when race is so clearly implicated... I'm reading that POCs should forgive oppressive actions/structures in order to "live in unforced peace and honor" and that's problematic partially because I'm not sure what that actually means, and partially because forgiveness can be a performative gesture that becomes more about relieving the guilt of the wrongdoer rather than serving as a conduit for discussion/learning. 
Clarity and frankness, rather than fancy wordplay, might be more useful for getting at an idea of forgiveness. I actually really love the use of "difficultest" b/c it underscores the absurdness of the difficulty in forgiving, and further just feels fresh. 

You should check out Citizen by Claudia Rankine if you haven't! She writes in a way that effortlessly discusses ideas about racial aggression, interracial relationships (friendly and otherwise), and shared histories. The language isn't haughty or overly cerebral but isn't frivolous either.

[dukealien]

Thanks to all the critics.  It's apparent that while the message gets through, rhyme and meter are badly in the way.

@Richard may have the best idea:  rewrite as a short essay, boil the essay down to free verse and see if that suggests a more poetic treatment (blank verse or rhymed), or stands best on its own.  As Samuel Goldwyn put it, "If you want to send a message, call Western Union."  He meant, ditch the message in favor of art and entertainment - in the present case, just be telegraphic!

will return stop may chg title

[Mopkins]

like u need more crit right?

Forgiveness


Forgiveness is the difficultest state
of mind to enter with sincerity—  (neato enter with sincerity, not pin number)
but none's more needful, dissipating hate:  (nice nnnns   terrific tttts)
contrition's naught, forgiveness verity.
Apology can help:  it soothes a sting
of felt injustice, disrespect perceived— (sssscintilating sss's   pleasing pppps  felt/percieved nice sensey stuff)
but begging for indulgence cannot bring
release, unless forgiveness is received.
Still harder is a case where some will not
apologize because they stand accused    ( sssssuper  esses in stanza)
of what their grandsires did, or their race wrought,
who rightly feel their present selves abused. (oh u live in australia as a white guy too huh?)
But there, relenting's trouble isn't lack  (hmmm  relenting's????? i auto-spoke relentless)
of true confession, but that letting go
of vengeful motivations for attack
would leave a void—snuff out a warming glow.  (no fire like the one u burn ur witch with)
And this is why forgiveness benefits
not each recipient but its free donor
whose soul it liberates from ancient writs
to daily live in unforced peace and honor.( oh like burning ur bible then doing everything it says?????)

good stuff, good philosophy, unveiling of the portrait of forgiveness personified etc  
question 'relenting's' but i'm a self taught idiot so do as u please
probably go well at a uniting church in the outback of australia as the pre-prepared sermon for a visiting speaker, tho the black guys in the back row might boo and hiss, after all u inherit ur ancestor's debts of guilt here  subtle rhymes like slippery snake in eden
liked it lots