Honesty

[MaksCerenWylt]

honesty

the truck pulled up to the
chain-link fence,
and all the kids rushed toward it,
reaching and dashing
for the individual skateboard wheels
that Spitfire, or whomever it was,
i can't remember,
was throwing
out of the bed of the truck.

being a kid who couldn't even ollie,
let alone enter what i could only
describe as mosh-pit practice,
found myself ill-fitted to grab
any more than one wheel.

all the kids at the suburban skatepark
went back to skating the various
ramps and rails,
while i found myself by the
half-pipe. The olive-skinned kid
called down from the ledge,
in a loaded question,
"what are you going to do with one
wheel?"
i replied, feeling a bit self-loathing,
wordlessly, that i had no use for it,
and threw it up to him.
he returned to skating,
without a word, while i spent
the remaining few minutes
moping around the park.

my father pulled up
in his green work truck, and,
sulking into the passenger seat,
i told him, somewhat hyperbolically,
that someone had stolen my wheel.

my father jumped out of the truck,
and, slowly realizing that I had no leg
to stand on in skatepark politics,
i trailed him to the half-pipe.
he yelled at the olive-skinned kid
to give back my wheel,
to which the kid retorted,
while throwing it down to him,
that I had said he could have it.
my father, embarrassed, tossed
it back up to him.

i followed my then livid father
back to his green ford ranger.

the last words i remember on that day
are my father's.

"don't ever make me look like a fool."

[rowens]

People like reading books of these episodic, conversational narratives. Specific details you decided to stick in make it interesting. The lines break and move along in a gloomy, careless, Eeyore kind of way, which isn't quite as bad as that description might sound.

[MaksCerenWylt]

People like reading books of these episodic, conversational narratives. Specific details you decided to stick in make it interesting. The lines break and move along in a gloomy, careless, Eeyore kind of way, which isn't quite as bad as that description might sound.

You know, when I was writing it, I thought it might work better as prose, with honesty being more of an idea than an emotion. I wasn't sure if the sludginess of it was going to take away from the reading or not, so thanks!

[rowens]

I've read it a few times. Personally, I like it. It is like prose with line breaks, but I think it works.

[Achebe]

Purely as a story, it's entertaining until 'skatepark politics'. The denouement is a let down, where I want to ask for my money back.

[MaksCerenWylt]

Purely as a story, it's entertaining until 'skatepark politics'. The denouement is a let down, where I want to ask for my money back.

I read it, and it would make more sense to have the natural end be the quote. I'll consider removing it in an edit. Thanks.

[billy]

for me it's set out like a poem but reads as prose. if you want to write it as poetry, use a few poetic devices, simile, metaphor, alliteration, assonance etc.