08-03-2013, 10:49 PM
I wrote your name in the sand,*
Then turned to have you hold my hand,
I loved you every day and night,
Even when I made us fight,
You make me smile and make me cry,
Without you I feel like I will die,
To me your my first and only love,
But now as I stare at the sky above,
I see how I treated you and made you hurt,
I made you feel smaller than a grain of dirt,
For that I am sorry, disgusted and ashamed,
And I know that I am the one to be blamed,
Now I feel like an empty shell,
And my heart hurts, it's as painful as hell,
I promise I'm trying and I'm holding on to hope,
As this is the way I can cope,
I was stupid and dumb,
Immature and young,
I played with fire and yes I got burnt,*
But I promise that from my lesson I have learnt,
I want to start over as this can't be the end,
You are my partner, my lover and by far my bestfriend,
If you are willing to forgive but not to forget,*
I swear I'll make you happy and my life I will bet.
I wrote your name in the sand but it was stolen by the tide,
You wrote your name in my heart where forever and evrah it will reside
I miss you...
Hey 250xflo, I'm bec and I'm also a novice (so please expect a novice critique!). I just joined this site tonight
and as far as feed back goes I would just say this is a very cute poem and its definitely got a lot of heart. The only thing that I don't like about it is the couple of cliche lines that ive heard before like "I played with fire and yes I got burnt', 'I wrote your name in the sand'. It also feels repetitive, its not that your saying the same thing but its kinda the same tone all the way through if that makes sense.
Then turned to have you hold my hand,
I loved you every day and night,
Even when I made us fight,
You make me smile and make me cry,
Without you I feel like I will die,
To me your my first and only love,
But now as I stare at the sky above,
I see how I treated you and made you hurt,
I made you feel smaller than a grain of dirt,
For that I am sorry, disgusted and ashamed,
And I know that I am the one to be blamed,
Now I feel like an empty shell,
And my heart hurts, it's as painful as hell,
I promise I'm trying and I'm holding on to hope,
As this is the way I can cope,
I was stupid and dumb,
Immature and young,
I played with fire and yes I got burnt,*
But I promise that from my lesson I have learnt,
I want to start over as this can't be the end,
You are my partner, my lover and by far my bestfriend,
If you are willing to forgive but not to forget,*
I swear I'll make you happy and my life I will bet.
I wrote your name in the sand but it was stolen by the tide,
You wrote your name in my heart where forever and evrah it will reside
I miss you...
Hey 250xflo, I'm bec and I'm also a novice (so please expect a novice critique!). I just joined this site tonight
and as far as feed back goes I would just say this is a very cute poem and its definitely got a lot of heart. The only thing that I don't like about it is the couple of cliche lines that ive heard before like "I played with fire and yes I got burnt', 'I wrote your name in the sand'. It also feels repetitive, its not that your saying the same thing but its kinda the same tone all the way through if that makes sense.