The End

[GoldWinger]

I'm very new to this so I hope this doesn't suck to bad.


Fire rains down from a flaming sky
The earth cracks open and rumbles inside
Everyone runs but there’s nowhere to hide
The end is upon us and evil is near
If you haven’t been good you’re about to know fear
He’s coming for you and all of your friends
You can kiss your ass good by, its to late for amends
This isn’t the time to dwell on the past
You better plan for the future and it better be fast
He’ll introduce you to pain and that’s all you’ll know
He’ll take his time and make the blood flow
You’ll pray to God but now it’s to late
The life you led already sealed your fate

[rowens]

If you fix the spelling errors, smooth over some of the forced rhymes and pay more attention to adding fresh substance to the subject, there might could be something to it.

[alatos]

Well I'm an amateur just like you, so I'm definitely not qualified to critique. But two things I noticed are that the poem just seems sort of vague, but maybe that's just me. And another is the rhythm seems difficult in spots.

[billy]

Well I'm an amateur just like you, so I'm definitely not qualified to critique. But two things I noticed are that the poem just seems sort of vague, but maybe that's just me. And another is the rhythm seems difficult in spots.

yes you are, everyone is qualified to critique. not only are they qualified, we expect it

basically it a long cliche made up of short clichés
have a read of some the pdf's in my signature,
and do an edit, use original phrases
if you've heard a phrase before, then don't use it.