Puzzle

[ThePoetStephen]

Puzzle

I am a puzzle
Unopened, wrapper intact
After our first date, the seal was broken
The picture started to form clearly
Each piece of the puzzle finding it's match
Over time the puzzle worked it's way together
Year after year, sometimes falling apart but always back together
Everyday I spend with you another piece finds its spot
This puzzle, this life will only be complete
With you in my heart
Like a puzzle so perfect when finished
Our harmony
Our togetherness
Our friendship
Our love
Make us the perfect puzzle

[billy]

hi stephen

straight off you give the game away. which begs the question; is the 1st line needed?

i am unopened, wrapper intact.

how many times do you say puzzle? the title is the time you need it.
my real problem lays in the fact that there is no puzzle,
a suggestion would be to start out as being the puzzle as a couple.

we were unopened, wrappers intact.
seals broken on the (first, second, etc,) date
code formed clearly
unlocking our resolve just a suggestion as to lessen the prose aspect

the latter part of the poem needs fleshing out. lines like, our love, don't really sell the poem.

Puzzle

I am a puzzle
Unopened, wrapper intact
After our first date, the seal was broken
The picture started to form clearly
Each piece of the puzzle finding it's match
Over time the puzzle worked it's way together
Year after year, sometimes falling apart but always back together
Everyday I spend with you another piece finds its spot
This puzzle, this life will only be complete
With you in my heart
Like a puzzle so perfect when finished
Our harmony
Our togetherness
Our friendship
Our love
Make us the perfect puzzle

[Todd]

Hi, welcome to the site. Considering your poem:

I think you need to go a few layers deeper. Right now, I'm sure there's some emotional power beneath the surface, but it isn't coming through. I think if you started with After our first date and alluded to puzzle elements without calling it out directly you'd be more on the right track. Mostly though as readers, we need to connect with this poem with more than our head.

Best,

Todd

[allykat727]

I enjoyed reading your piece. However, I felt that it was missing something. It flowed nicely, but my emotions were not engaged. I wasn't quite sure how to feel or how you felt. Besides that, the piece definitely has a good groundwork. I am curious to see what your other poems are like!

[Volaticus]

I liked the way you told the story, but I think the word 'puzzle' appears a bit too many times, in the poem.

[LivingTheDream]

Wow I really liked the imagery that this poem possessed. Made me feel the deep loved that is shared. Thank you for the inspiration.