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a song
Chorus (repeat after each subsequent verse):
I am a paper cup
Pills put in me each day
White as milk disposable
Sitting on a metal tray
I am my mother
I live to open cabinets
Fall asleep at half past six
Surf the chemical tsunami
Dad couldn't make her right
With money sex or kids
She couldn't handle pregnancy
So surfed the chemical tsunami
I walked with her in town today
Heard all her latest complaints
Broken feet and bad nurses
Soon I'll be making her speeches
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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This reminds me of the most depressing of radiohead songs
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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Is that a good or a bad thing? (I haven't heard much Radiohead.) Thanks for the comment, Addy
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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Joined: Dec 2009
Don't worry, it's a very good thing
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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Hi Jack,
I find this very much like Radiohead in a very good way. (I might not have thought about it without addy mentioning it) It definitely follows the pattern of a lot of songs. A big trend in songwriting is finding a chorus that becomes broader when layered with multiple perspective verses and this is what you poem does very well.
Thanks for sharing.
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Thanks for the kind words and feedback, Mike
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
Posts: 342
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Posts: 1,548
Threads: 942
Joined: Dec 2016
Oops I meat Mark
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
Posts: 342
Threads: 49
Joined: Sep 2011
. . . and I thought we had something special :p
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Jeeze, I feel like I shouted out somebody else's name in bed
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
