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Midnight
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10-01-2011, 10:29 AM
Well thank you guys. The poem was a pleasure to read. If there's eloquence in the crit, well just know that was a process like writing poetry it wasn't always there
 . I appreciate the kind words though.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
10-02-2011, 12:41 AM
Fine erotic poem with mild flavor. I love the double meaning of words in this context. The last word sounds a little rough from the crowd - perhaps the word is master (or sculptures)?
'Because the barbarians will arrive today;and they get bored with eloquence and orations.' CP Cavafy
10-03-2011, 05:08 AM
There is not the least reason why an artisan should not be soulful; that borders on elitism, which is more my territory..... We had silk-worms at one time, as kids, and they were much like other things which make cocoons--- which I haven't seen in an age. One had to keep getting mulberry leaves, I think.
I don't much care for haiku, but do like brevity. Stupidly, I kept thinking of glow-worms, which I have never seen, and are now rare in the UK. Very nice, in a non-sycophantic sort of way... 
10-03-2011, 07:14 AM
This reminds me of both William Blake's The Sick Rose and Sylvia Plath's Edge, while "gossamer" calls Emily Dickinson to mind. A luscious poem. The syntax is weird but I like that about it.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
10-03-2011, 03:37 PM
(10-03-2011, 05:08 AM)abu nuwas Wrote: There is not the least reason why an artisan should not be soulful; that borders on elitism, which is more my territory..... We had silk-worms at one time, as kids, and they were much like other things which make cocoons--- which I haven't seen in an age. One had to keep getting mulberry leaves, I think.and i agree, here soulful artisan works a treat, when it was in the haiku forum however... 
10-03-2011, 03:54 PM
...it sucked, so I changed it
 Thank you Jack, bogpan, and Abu for your comments. I appreciate them!
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
10-03-2011, 04:39 PM
This poem when it was a wanna-be haiku.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
maybe but now it's a fucking big butterfly
[Image: http://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/6.gif]
10-04-2011, 01:06 AM
(10-03-2011, 04:42 PM)billy Wrote: maybe but now it's a fucking big butterfly[Image: http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c216/x...phic11.gif]
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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