No ephemera will ever bring me to my knees,
as I am now before you,
Mother of all matter,
immanent Sophia.
I fear you inasmuch as I fear your abandonment,
and yours is the softest of voices.
Though sin is marked in every pore that forms in bone,
in the darkening of the senses,
in the obstructing of sorrow,
let sorrow and forgiveness guide this body,
until the days it may be without memory and frail,
so even then I may return to you with the grace that you possessed,
when you surrendered to my longing to know sorrow,
and permitted me a form apart from you,
a form submitting to you now and forever.
Let this be all I know.
No Ephemera
No ephemera will ever bring me to my knees,
as I am now before you,
Mother of all mothers, immanent Sophia.
I fear you inasmuch as I fear your abandonment,
and yours is the softest of voices.
Though sin is marked in every pore that forms in bone,
in the deprivation of the senses,
in obstructions of sorrow,
let sorrow and forgiveness guide this body,
until the days it may be without memory and frail,
so even then I may return to you with the grace that you possessed,
when you surrendered to my longing to know sorrow,
and permitted me a form apart from you,
a form submitting to you now.
Let this be all I know.
(09-02-2026, 08:52 PM)alonso ramoran Wrote: No Ephemera
No ephemera will ever bring me to my knees,
as I am now before you,
Mother of all mothers, immanent Sophia.
I fear you inasmuch as I fear your abandonment,
and yours is the softest of voices.
Though sin is marked in every pore that forms in bone,
in the deprivation of the senses,
in obstructions of sorrow,
let sorrow and forgiveness guide this body,
until the days it may be without memory and frail,
so even then I may return to you with the grace that you possessed,
when you surrendered to my longing to know sorrow,
and permitted me a form apart from you,
a form submitting to you now.
Let this be all I know.
This really grabbed me from the jump. I think the first half is considerably stronger than the second. For me the strength is in the smoothness of the sound and rhythm. A lot of these lines have a really lovely, tangible cadence, like "and yours is the softest of voices." The iambic concern is motivating.
OK reading again the first line is probably warm-up and can go or be reworked. Kind of feels like one of those "let's start with the thesis" things that we do before finding the poem's true shape:
On my knees as I am now
before you, Mother of all mothers...
Pretty clearly a stronger opener IMO.
OK reading again again I am less satisfied than I initially was with the run of abstractions. Think we need a bit more concrete imagery and action. But the philosophy is compelling. I think this poem could benefit from an injection of narrative distance. The speaker may be working a bit too close to the subject in the latter lines, with the risk that things come off a bit maudlin.
Does the poet enjoy William Stafford? The reviewer recommends with enthusiasm the work of William Stafford.
(09-02-2026, 08:52 PM)alonso ramoran Wrote: No Ephemera
No ephemera will ever bring me to my knees,
as I am now before you,
Mother of all mothers, immanent Sophia.
I fear you inasmuch as I fear your abandonment,
and yours is the softest of voices.
Though sin is marked in every pore that forms in bone,
in the deprivation of the senses,
in obstructions of sorrow,
let sorrow and forgiveness guide this body,
until the days it may be without memory and frail,
so even then I may return to you with the grace that you possessed,
when you surrendered to my longing to know sorrow,
and permitted me a form apart from you,
a form submitting to you now.
Let this be all I know.
It reads as one of those overly religious chants from the late 19th century and as such is only really interesting to others at the church - the overtly aggrandized self-prostrating and hyperbolic praise is really quite comic
(09-07-2026, 10:23 PM)milo Wrote: It reads as one of those overly religious chants from the late 19th century and as such is only really interesting to others at the church - the overtly aggrandized self-prostrating and hyperbolic praise is really quite comic
Is it a parody?
No parody intended. Not much I can do but welcome that reading when it reads that way. At least for this poem.
(09-07-2026, 10:23 PM)milo Wrote: It reads as one of those overly religious chants from the late 19th century and as such is only really interesting to others at the church - the overtly aggrandized self-prostrating and hyperbolic praise is really quite comic
Is it a parody?
No parody intended. Not much I can do but welcome that reading when it reads that way. At least for this poem.
FWIW I read it straight as hell and I still fux with it
(09-03-2026, 02:29 AM)matsunosuperfan Wrote: This really grabbed me from the jump. I think the first half is considerably stronger than the second. For me the strength is in the smoothness of the sound and rhythm. A lot of these lines have a really lovely, tangible cadence, like "and yours is the softest of voices." The iambic concern is motivating.
OK reading again the first line is probably warm-up and can go or be reworked. Kind of feels like one of those "let's start with the thesis" things that we do before finding the poem's true shape:
On my knees as I am now
before you, Mother of all mothers...
Pretty clearly a stronger opener IMO.
OK reading again again I am less satisfied than I initially was with the run of abstractions. Think we need a bit more concrete imagery and action. But the philosophy is compelling. I think this poem could benefit from an injection of narrative distance. The speaker may be working a bit too close to the subject in the latter lines, with the risk that things come off a bit maudlin.
Does the poet enjoy William Stafford? The reviewer recommends with enthusiasm the work of William Stafford.
I have not read Stafford. Where would you recommend I start with him?
(09-03-2026, 02:29 AM)matsunosuperfan Wrote: This really grabbed me from the jump. I think the first half is considerably stronger than the second. For me the strength is in the smoothness of the sound and rhythm. A lot of these lines have a really lovely, tangible cadence, like "and yours is the softest of voices." The iambic concern is motivating.
OK reading again the first line is probably warm-up and can go or be reworked. Kind of feels like one of those "let's start with the thesis" things that we do before finding the poem's true shape:
On my knees as I am now
before you, Mother of all mothers...
Pretty clearly a stronger opener IMO.
OK reading again again I am less satisfied than I initially was with the run of abstractions. Think we need a bit more concrete imagery and action. But the philosophy is compelling. I think this poem could benefit from an injection of narrative distance. The speaker may be working a bit too close to the subject in the latter lines, with the risk that things come off a bit maudlin.
Does the poet enjoy William Stafford? The reviewer recommends with enthusiasm the work of William Stafford.
I have not read Stafford. Where would you recommend I start with him?
