Another Place - feedback?

[RichardBosten]

"I’ll not Today" — Adrift I stay —
And sail Tomorrows free.
Another Place I find Myself —
Where no one else has been.

I’ve swum to Shores so lost before —
As Raindrops in the Sea.
Spurned the Tide of Dutiful —
Responsibility.

Worries lurk away amid —
Stowed Fantasies and Schemes.
Scurried — gnawing — little Rats —
They nibble at my Dreams.

Compass spinning dizzily —
True Lost is hard to find.
Trade Winds of Conformity —
Swells the Sails of Mind.

Without a rudder, chart or fare
Direction left to toss
With fog of mind I set to find
Another Place that's lost

I started this months ago and then came back to it  . I kinda like it always looking for advice . I was wondering if I could use this to write an actual song with acoustic guitar perhaps.

[Tiger the Lion]

Quick note: I find if you give more feedback you get more in return and don't need to solicit for it. Try catching up on some critiques and see if that gets you the feedback you want. GL

[Sullivan]

Feedback:

I think it's pretty clear you understand the days of rain, it's like an aging transgretion to being with yourself trying to avoid openings and still want to keep low profile.

I like it, good job.

[JohnS]

"I’ll not Today" — Adrift I stay —
And sail Tomorrows free.
Another Place I find Myself —
Where no one else has been.

I’ve swum to Shores so lost before —
As Raindrops in the Sea.
Spurned the Tide of Dutiful —
Responsibility.

Worries lurk away amid —
Stowed Fantasies and Schemes.
Scurried — gnawing — little Rats —
They nibble at my Dreams.

Compass spinning dizzily —
True Lost is hard to find.
Trade Winds of Conformity —
Swells the Sails of Mind.

Without a rudder, chart or fare
Direction left to toss
With fog of mind I set to find
Another Place that's lost

I started this months ago and then came back to it  . I kinda like it always looking for advice . I was wondering if I could use this to write an actual song with acoustic guitar perhaps.

Hi,
I don't know what the random capitol letters strewn about are intended to achieve. Baffling to me. 

There are some good lines and the third verse is the best, except for the pointless capitals. I don't quite get the story, but maybe it needs more readings and thought than I've given it.

You can sing anything, but it doesn't make it a song. Songs don't necessarily need a chorus but they do need some form of repetition, so songs without a chorus usually have a refrain repeated at the end of each verse. 
There's a common rhyme scheme, xaxa, used in many songs, so that should work.

But those capital letters - hmm.

[RichardBosten]

"I’ll not Today" — Adrift I stay —
And sail Tomorrows free.
Another Place I find Myself —
Where no one else has been.

I’ve swum to Shores so lost before —
As Raindrops in the Sea.
Spurned the Tide of Dutiful —
Responsibility.

Worries lurk away amid —
Stowed Fantasies and Schemes.
Scurried — gnawing — little Rats —
They nibble at my Dreams.

Compass spinning dizzily —
True Lost is hard to find.
Trade Winds of Conformity —
Swells the Sails of Mind.

Without a rudder, chart or fare
Direction left to toss
With fog of mind I set to find
Another Place that's lost

I started this months ago and then came back to it  . I kinda like it always looking for advice . I was wondering if I could use this to write an actual song with acoustic guitar perhaps.

Hi,
I don't know what the random capitol letters strewn about are intended to achieve. Baffling to me. 

There are some good lines and the third verse is the best, except for the pointless capitals. I don't quite get the story, but maybe it needs more readings and thought than I've given it.

You can sing anything, but it doesn't make it a song. Songs don't necessarily need a chorus but they do need some form of repetition, so songs without a chorus usually have a refrain repeated at the end of each verse. 
There's a common rhyme scheme, xaxa, used in many songs, so that should work.

But those capital letters - hmm.

The capitals are leftovers from editing.  I will change it .  It was really just about refusing  the demands of life and staying lost inside a daydream while nagging thoughts about life keep creeping in .  Thanks for reading.  Not sure I would use this in a musical way after second thoughts but i Like the poem over all.