Day of orange sun

[Semicircle]

Lightning ripped clouds
rain pouring down
valleys sterilized in blue

spades upturn soil
the body won't spoil
flame coursing through

tomorrow morning
the air smelt of you.

[brynmawr1]

Thunder ripped clouds         One of my favorite lines, although "lightning" might be more appropriate?
rain pouring down
valleys sterilized in blue   also like this line

spades uproot soil
the body won't spoil
flame coursing through       not sure what to think here.  The sun coming out?

tomorrow morning
the air smelt of you.          feels like a tense conflict between these last two lines.  Intentional?

Hi Sc,

Nice imagery.  Just a few comments.
Thanks,
bryn

[Semicircle]

Thunder ripped clouds         One of my favorite lines, although "lightning" might be more appropriate?
rain pouring down
valleys sterilized in blue   also like this line

spades uproot soil
the body won't spoil
flame coursing through       not sure what to think here.  The sun coming out?  Tries to bury the body, forest fire prevents them.

tomorrow morning
the air smelt of you.          feels like a tense conflict between these last two lines.  Intentional?   Guilt afterward- attributes the smell of smoke to their friend burning.

Hi Sc,

Nice imagery.  Just a few comments.
Thanks,
bryn

Forest fires cause orange suns throughout the afternoon because of the smoke in the sky.

[s3]

"the body won't spoil" -- Lovely.

Thought of California when reading this. last two lines didn't win me over initially, but upon further reflection the contrast between 'tomorrow' and past tense 'smelt' is just jarring enough to be interesting.

[Tiger the Lion]

Thunder ripped clouds
rain pouring down
valleys sterilized in blue

spades uproot soil "uproot" is the wrong word here. Maybe "upturn" or something
the body won't spoil
flame coursing through

tomorrow morning
the air smelt of you.

Hey SC. Sorry for the brief comment. Just one thing that jumped out at me. I also mostly agree with the lightning consideration.

[Semicircle]

Thanks Tiger and S3. The poem was pretty compact so not too much room for error I assume.
Any critique is appreciated.