Rubber Shavings

[Semicircle]

All the violent strokes
that attacked the page,
reduced to rubber shavings
by morning

but their imprints remain.

[Mark A Becker]

All the violent strokes
that attacked the page,
reduced to rubber shavings
by morning

but their imprints remain.

Hello Semi-C,
I very rarely use a pencil anymore, and I found this piece "charming", for lack of a better word.

You've done a decent job of describing how thoughts that go bump in the night, are erased, come morning.  And you did that without using the word "erased."  Good job at showing, not telling.

I was ambivalent about the last line, but upon re-reading find that it works, and separating it with a line of white space also works. 

I suggest your title be something like "Drawn", so that a reader like me may understand that you were drawing. The word also has multiple meanings. That bit of clarity would immediately reveal that you were not writing, as writing with a pencil does not suggest "strokes." No need for the title to appear in the poem, and this one is not about "rubber shavings" really- it's about the "violent strokes" and "imprints", for me, at least.

I'm always a fan of short ones that suggest a longer story, and this one does that for me (except for the title).

Thanks,
Mark

[TranquillityBase]

All the violent strokes
that attacked the page,
reduced to rubber shavings
by morning

but their imprints remain.

I suggest your title be something like "Drawn", so that a reader like me may understand that you were drawing. The word also has multiple meanings. That bit of clarity would immediately reveal that you were not writing, as writing with a pencil does not suggest "strokes." No need for the title to appear in the poem, and this one is not about "rubber shavings" really- it's about the "violent strokes" and "imprints", for me, at least.

Interesting, I took it as writing.  Strokes seems like a "writing" word to me.  If the title needs to change, and I think it would be good to save rubber shavings for the poem, I'd suggest "rub out" or "effacement".

TqB