Tarot Tall Tale probably something to do with cards, a myth maybe
Listen as Lady Luck reveals
a tale that only her hand deals. Alliteration is nice, kinda clunky rhythm
At night two men dig, seek to yield,
five diamonds buried in a field.
Seven criminals ambush them,
but one shot kills the leader. Grim,
his three sons, partners, lose the thieves,
but in six minutes one retrieves
the loot. The tenth man, in the trunk
tied up, owned the diamonds, and sunk
his fortune in nine mistresses.
His wife planned for the ambush, his
money would pay the hired eight.
She'd loved the leader, every trait
her only child had was from him. Everything is clunky, like youre trying too hard to put all the numbers in there. I think I get the scene is a diamond heist from some cheating rich people?
No one ensured her husband died.
The double crossing diggers tried
to take the money, blackmail her,
but forgot their trunk til later.
Her lover died, she went insane,
and took the diamonds in her pain,
to hide out with her only son.
Ten more miles the husband saw sun. Too much jumping around, maybe less story and more development
Eight hours to completely unhinge,
and pay three men for his revenge.
His horrid wife he could replace,
but he would get back his son's face,
seven more years a child to them. Is she horrid or just what he thinks?
The wife paid off her assassins,
her lover's sons now surround her,
three jealous of their half brother,
but the five were now a unit,
and her husband's set to ruin it.
He had the means to catch them but
when he saw them, he couldn't cut
his love. Eight guns in the room drawn,
he laid an ultimatum on.
She couldn't love him, six bullets, six bullets...
her kids retaliate each one hits.
Two minutes in the building for
the child's the only survivor.
Over his mother, the boy cried.
Not just for money his mom died.
The six police who learned his name,
said five more days he could make claim. Make claim?
Seven mistresses each had kids,
in seven years he'd place his bids,
but eight blood tests would determine
the billionaire had no children. Ha!
All the money would be the banks,
but to his mom, not enough thanks
for hiding the diamonds. The map
led him and two friends without trap.
He marries, and lives with millions. Such a forced ending
When Lady Luck sings for the bards,
puts your fate in fifty four cards. Another way to resay the first two lines
It's a good idea I guess, seems like you just made a line for every card on the deck, but that doesn't have to do with tarot... Like reading a tarentino timeline, with less character development. Keep writing!
My mild critiques have some comments on some lines, maybe a comment per block of words, a few suggestions, and a summary of my thoughts. There is blending between the three workshop forums here for me
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches
