lurking

[Mark A Becker]

lurking in my bones

on its invisible web-

cold eyes glowing green





crawling in my bones

on its invisible web-

cold eyes glowing green

[dukealien]

crawling in my bones

on its invisible web-

cold eyes glowing green

Intellect? Nerves? Arthritis?  Or just envy?  Elegantly expressed, in any case.

[busker]

crawling in my bones

on its invisible web-

cold eyes glowing green

Unexpectedly striking. There’s something about this briefest of pieces that just sticks.
Malignant.

[Mark A Becker]

Thanks folks-
It’s unnerving that a spider’s eyes glow a creepy green when light is shined on them in the dark. That’s how one knows it’s staring at you.
Malignant, unfortunately, is an accurate read.
Best,
Mark

[busker]

Thanks folks-
It’s unnerving that a spider’s eyes glow a creepy green when light is shined on them in the dark. That’s how one knows it’s staring at you.
Malignant, unfortunately, is an accurate read.
Best,
Mark

Sorry to hear that

[philip]

Hello Mark,
a stark poem, and having read your replies, with a dark message.

crawling in my bones - a confusing opening for me, I first thought the narrator was crawling - in the context of a spider, it doesn't sound right (crawling in bone?), give a more specific image, like 'spinning' - which chimes with invisible. ?

on its invisible web- its invisible web - add a modifier for syllable count perhaps.

cold eyes glowing green - this is good - the colour of sickness.

thank you for sharing......P

[Mark A Becker]

Hey Phillip-
"crawling" never seemed right to me either, and was a placeholder until I could find a better word.  I believe that "lurking" is more apt.

The challenge of working in such a short form is always vexing...

Thanks for the helpful critique.

... Mark

Hello Mark,
a stark poem, and having read your replies, with a dark message.

crawling in my bones - a confusing opening for me, I first thought the narrator was crawling - in the context of a spider, it doesn't sound right (crawling in bone?), give a more specific image, like 'spinning' - which chimes with invisible. ?

on its invisible web- its invisible web - add a modifier for syllable count perhaps.

cold eyes glowing green - this is good - the colour of sickness.

thank you for sharing......P