Transient

[Ryan_w_r]

Existing on the razors edge of either here nor there. 
Disenfranchised wisps of broken dreams and hopelessness.
The ones living eternally, between the margins.

[Richard]

Hey Ryan,
I like the idea you're using here. I just feel like you could do more with it. I'll go into more detail below:

Existing on the razors edge of either here nor there. -I feel like it should be "or" instead of "nor". As well, you could do a whole stanza about this idea of not belonging. May be outline an image of a transient person and describe it in a way to emphasize the sense of non-belonging you're going for here.
Disenfranchised wisps of broken dreams and hopelessness. -Maybe instead of saying "broken dreams" give a specific broken dream.
The ones living eternally, between the margins. -The metaphor "between the margins" needs to be expanded upon. For example, who/what is doing the writing?

I think you got a decent start here. You just need to take it further.

Cheers,
Richard

[GrhmJngL]

Existing on the razors edge of either here nor there.  As Richard said, it ought to be "neither here nor there", or alternatively, "either here or there".
Disenfranchised wisps of broken dreams and hopelessness.
The ones living eternally, between the margins.

I like the opening, and what you're trying to do here generally, but the reason why this doesn't quite work for me is that it focuses a little to much on naming sensations and emotions rather than describing or evoking them. Abstract nouns like "hopelessness" should be used sparingly in a poem, and probably ought to be avoided in one this length. What's hopeless about their situation? What dreams have been broken?

Especially considering how its so brief, I think something like this would grab the reader a lot more if it had some tangible imagery which shows something of what it is that you're trying to describe. What person or people are you trying to have us empathise with? Was there any particular incident or scene (either first-hand or recounted to you) that made you want to write this? What images come to mind when you're thinking of these people?

Maybe keeping one of these lines more or less as is, and trying something a little more concrete elsewhere in the poem to pull us in. Poems this short express their ideas best through distilled, well chosen images that evoke the situation, rather than trying to pack in as many direct descriptions of the sentiments involved as you can.

I hope this doesn't come across as too critical, though. It's a solid start.

[Radetof.Yahska]

Existing on the razors edge of either here nor there. 
Disenfranchised wisps of broken dreams and hopelessness.
The ones living eternally, between the margins.

Hi Ryan!

The opening should end with "neither here nor there" if the idea is exclusion, and not "either" and "or".
While the idea is a good one, you really need to flesh it out a bit. There is not much to keep someone invested here, just three lines that describe a blob-like existence without telling me what I want to know. This I know, I see life within the margins, but the idea or element of choice, of why disenfranchisement, that is the interesting bit that should be explored.

Also, eternal is a strong word, and if you mean it the transient as an archetype, then maybe it doesn't ring true. If you wish to contend this by stating that the existence between margins has led to this ignorance, I would really love to read what you write, but right now it feels too short.

Thanks for the poem!