Silica Gel

[MadelineAnne]

The package proclaims
“Winter Harvest,” evoking notions
of pristine snow, white
as the poisonous silica gel
like blanched roe
hidden underneath seaweed sheets
that are fragile as stained glass.

A red exclamation mark
and a dying child with mouth agape
warns in Korean, Japanese,
English, Chinese: Poison! Danger!
So, don't call it health food
when you bring death
so close to my lips.

[CRNDLSM]

The package proclaims
“Winter Harvest,” evoking notions
of pristine snow, white
as the poisonous silica gel is gel here a verb? Because
like blanched roe I'm thrown off by this like
hidden underneath seaweed sheets
that are fragile as stained glass.and fragile, I imagine roe as softly squishing like silica gel
Like the ocean reference, very 'deep'
A red exclamation mark
and a dying child with mouth agape
warns in Korean, Japanese,
English, Chinese: Poison! Danger! I'm wondering if these languages were chosen because the product says, 'made in the orient'
So, don't call it health food I cant imagine what food is packaged with these packets, maybe some medicine jars or clothing boxes
when you bring death
so close to my lips.

Really like what I'm reading, how the packages say do not eat, but it's compared to roe (edible fish?) And seaweed (also edible?) And harvest and all this food talk but it's poison.  I'm picturing Sylvia Plath trying to drown herself, blaming the packaging.

[RiverNotch]

The package proclaims
“Winter Harvest,” evoking notions
of pristine snow, white
as the poisonous silica gel
like blanched roe
hidden underneath seaweed sheets
that are fragile as stained glass. 

A red exclamation mark
and a dying child with mouth agape
warns in Korean, Japanese,
English, Chinese: Poison! Danger!
So, don't call it health food "So" is unneeded....
when you bring death
so close to my lips. ....especially with the "so" here making it read kinda redundant. Maybe put an em dash after the exclamation point on "Danger!", or just on the start of the line, to more subtly show that continuity.

Two notes. First, some pedantry: as far as I know, silica gel on its own isn't poisonous, and the reason manufacturers put the warning is because the packet as filled with the gel is a choking hazard. However, there are some varieties of silica gel desiccant that are mixed with other, truly poisonous substances -- I'm just not sure if that's the variant they'd use for food. 

Second, the first stanza is one great clustertruck of metaphor: "evoking notions of pristine snow (1), white as the poisonous silica gel (2) like blanched roe hidden underneath seaweed sheets (3) that are fragile as stained glass (4)". Four metaphors in one sentence, a metaphor describing a part of a metaphor describing a metaphor describing the package. Unload, unload: the thoughts and images are there (and, as I implied, I don't really mind the possible factual error -- it's not exactly a President's sewer of lies), but they're really badly organized, especially for such a succinct piece.

[j56]

I really like the idea of your poem and i think it ties up nicely. I do agree with the first poster though - maybe there are more suitable comparisons than roe or seaweed - which are both edible.

[MadelineAnne]

Hello everyone, thanks for commenting.  

Some clarification needed here on my part, I think: the seaweed referenced is a seaweed snack that looks like this.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/04/seaweed-snacks_n_5628080.html.[/url]

[url=http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/04/seaweed-snacks_n_5628080.html]They look like stained glass when held up to the light

---

Anyway, the silica gel packets are for moisture control, yes. But, they are tiny (the size of roe), and I can't imagine anyone choking on them. They really are small. I'll have to get another package to research the gel, but most of the info on it is not in English. I'll try, though.

Except that there's no dying child and red exclamation mark, this is roughly what the package looked like.

---

So, the idea is, there's this poisonous substance laying right underneath this supposedly healthy food -- like how life and death are always rubbing up on each other. That sounded dirty. Anyway....

Yes, CRNDLSM, it's all very deep.

[RiverNotch]

*I think the solution to the problem I noted concerning the first stanza is to just remove lines six and seven. "blanched roe" and "fragile as stained glass" distract from the main point that the silica gel (which, again, is not poisonous -- but again, I don't really care if it isn't) lies so close to the weed, especially since at that point the sentence is still talking about the package, and not directly about the silica or the seaweed. And I did get that this was talking about a seaweed snack, although the earlier edits of my original post were probably inconsiderate of that -- anyway, I don't really care about them algal snacks, they're not as filling as, say, a proper bag of chips.

[MadelineAnne]

*I think the solution to the problem I noted concerning the first stanza is to just remove lines six and seven. "blanched roe" and "fragile as stained glass" distract from the main point that the silica gel (which, again, is not poisonous -- but again, I don't really care if it isn't) lies so close to the weed, especially since at that point the sentence is still talking about the package, and not directly about the silica or the seaweed. And I did get that this was talking about a seaweed snack, although the earlier edits of my original post were probably inconsiderate of that -- anyway, I don't really care about them algal snacks, they're not as filling as, say, a proper bag of chips.

Thank you for giving more feedback, RiverNotch. I'll re-evaluate the imagery and try to come up with something else. It seems like this one needs to be completely re-worked or scrapped.

And, no, they're no match taste or comfort wise for some good kettle chips.

[Achebe]

The package proclaims
“Winter Harvest,” evoking notions
of pristine snow, white
as the poisonous silica gel
like blanched roe
hidden underneath seaweed sheets
that are fragile as stained glass.

A red exclamation mark
and a dying child with mouth agape
warns in Korean, Japanese,
English, Chinese: Poison! Danger!
So, don't call it health food
when you bring death
so close to my lips.

So since you've figured out that silica gel isn't poisonous after you wrote the poem, I don't need to clarify that! 
You don't need to research it. It's silica.
So L4 and all of S2 don't make a lot of sense now

[MadelineAnne]

The package proclaims
“Winter Harvest,” evoking notions
of pristine snow, white
as the poisonous silica gel
like blanched roe
hidden underneath seaweed sheets
that are fragile as stained glass.

A red exclamation mark
and a dying child with mouth agape
warns in Korean, Japanese,
English, Chinese: Poison! Danger!
So, don't call it health food
when you bring death
so close to my lips.

So since you've figured out that silica gel isn't poisonous after you wrote the poem, I don't need to clarify that! 
So L4 and all of S2 don't make a lot of sense now

Well, aren't you the bearer of bad tidings. Yes, not sure where I'm going now. I thank you guys (I'm assuming you're guys) for your input. I suppose a feel a little relieved that I'm not on the verge of death for my seaweed consumption.

[Achebe]

The package proclaims
“Winter Harvest,” evoking notions
of pristine snow, white
as the poisonous silica gel
like blanched roe
hidden underneath seaweed sheets
that are fragile as stained glass.

A red exclamation mark
and a dying child with mouth agape
warns in Korean, Japanese,
English, Chinese: Poison! Danger!
So, don't call it health food
when you bring death
so close to my lips.

So since you've figured out that silica gel isn't poisonous after you wrote the poem, I don't need to clarify that! 
So L4 and all of S2 don't make a lot of sense now

Well, aren't you the bearer of bad tidings. Yes, not sure where I'm going now. I thank you guys (I'm assuming you're guys) for your input. I suppose a feel a little relieved that I'm not on the verge of death for my seaweed consumption.

Seaweed is great but watch out for the salt overdose
But yeah, it's healthier than fried chips

[MadelineAnne]

So since you've figured out that silica gel isn't poisonous after you wrote the poem, I don't need to clarify that! 
So L4 and all of S2 don't make a lot of sense now

Well, aren't you the bearer of bad tidings. Yes, not sure where I'm going now. I thank you guys (I'm assuming you're guys) for your input. I suppose a feel a little relieved that I'm not on the verge of death for my seaweed consumption.

Seaweed is great but watch out for the salt overdose
But yeah, it's healthier than fried chips

Salt overdose? Hmmmm, never heard about that.
But, yes, I'm sure they have far less sodium that the chippers.