I am But a Man

[Unknown]

I am but a man,
do not let me see the monsters,
the ones who were left to rot.


I am but a man,
do not let the cold grasp of sorrow,
with its hands ever reaching into my heart,
reap my freedom and will like the crop of souls.


I am but a man,
do not let me see the hatred,
those who have seen it with their lifeless eyes,
boring into mine with chisels and hammers,
sculptors of despair, with nothing to weep for.


I am but a man,
do not let me feel Death,
his skull grinning as he devours,
taking those who have done all wrong,
those who have never seen the light of day,
consuming all, with nothing beyond his reach.


I am but a man,
do not let me see the darkness,
do not let me lose the dying light,
I am but a man.

[kolemath]

Thanks for the read! I have a few comments below. -Kole

I am but a man,
do not let me see the monsters,
the ones who were left to rot.


I am but a man,
do not let the cold grasp of sorrow,
with its hands ever reaching into my heart,
reap my freedom and will like the crop of souls. --love the idea of 'crop of souls' great word choice, carrying forward the metaphor of 'reap' too


I am but a man,
do not let me see the hatred,
those who have seen it with their lifeless eyes,
boring into mine with chisels and hammers, --I'm a bit confused about the agency of the verb 'boring.' do lifeless eyes bore with chisels? also, 'those who have seen' hatred, how are they connected to your sight of hatred?
sculptors of despair, with nothing to weep for. --nice work with the sculpting metaphor


I am but a man,
do not let me feel Death, --I try to avoid 'feel' when possible; just a personal choice
his skull grinning as he devours, --interesting, skull grin!
taking those who have done all wrong, --digesting instead of taking for the consumption metaphor? death takes all, not just those who have done wrong, right?
those who have never seen the light of day,
consuming all, with nothing beyond his reach. --right, consuming all, so how does the sinner, so to speak, get special treatment from the grinning skull?


I am but a man,
do not let me see the darkness, --what is the darkness? 
do not let me lose the dying light, --why is the light dying? might the monsters from the first stanza be worked back in here?
I am but a man.

Interesting read, almost like a prayer, as the one addressed isn't named. I like the metaphors the best; might you consider more work like this in a revision?

[Joseph Didis]

I agree that this reads sort of like a prayer, which I think is quite neat.

I am but a man,
do not let me see the monsters,
the ones who were left to rot.    The first time I read this, I thought it was a little hard to think of monsters left to rot, but the more I think of it, the more vivid the image of rotting corpses, still alive, stuffed away, hidden, becomes..Nice beginning.


I am but a man,
do not let the cold grasp of sorrow,
with its hands ever reaching into my heart,    I think reaching implies an outside entity, so "reaching for my heart" maybe?
reap my freedom and will like the crop of souls.   Nice stanza.


I am but a man,
do not let me see the hatred,
those who have seen it with their lifeless eyes,
boring into mine with chisels and hammers,      
sculptors of despair, with nothing to weep for.   I like the imagery of this stanza. To me it sound like seeing hatred bores and sculpts the eyes, I think it might make since to make a "soul" reference..As seeing hatred would sculpt the soul, leaving those who have seen it with lifeless eyes. The eyes are the windows to the soul etc.


I am but a man,
do not let me feel Death,
his skull grinning as he devours,
taking those who have done all wrong,
those who have never seen the light of day,
consuming all, with nothing beyond his reach.   This is my favorite line. 

Since nothing is beyond the reach of Death, it might make sense to not only refer to those who have done all wrong and never seen the light? It takes everyone, no man can escape Death. It might be a good place to open up for who/what the poem is addressed to allow you to live a life free of the the sufferings you mention earlier, so that when death comes for you..."

I am but a man,
do not let me see the darkness,
do not let me lose the dying light,
I am but a man.  Nice stanza to end with.

Thank you for sharing this poem

[Unknown]

Interesting read, almost like a prayer, as the one addressed isn't named. I like the metaphors the best; might you consider more work like this in a revision?
[/quote]

Thanks for the new ideas, I've been trying to fix this one, and I think that your input will help me figure out what is missing.

[Achebe]

Hi unknown - some comments below (just the first 2 stanzas, but the general rule applies elsewhere). Basically, the abstractions are perhaps overdone, and the metaphors could be made tighter and more unified.


I am but a man,
do not let me see the monsters,
the ones who were left to rot.             .... the 'ones' refers to monsters, but the 'left to rot' implies 'bodies' (that presumably became the monsters). So it's a problematic metaphor


I am but a man, .... it'd not clear what your not being a man has to do with what follows. It's a bit like 'I am but a man / do not let me see my friends die'. Makes no sense.
do not let the cold grasp of sorrow, ..... 'cold grasp of sorrow' is a terrible cliche
with its hands ever reaching into my heart,
reap my freedom and will like the crop of souls. ....the metaphor of hands reaching IN to your heart doesn't sit with the image of it now reaping your freedom and will. Not only are 'freedom' and 'will' abstract concepts that add nothing to the line, but also the agricultural metaphor comes out of nowhere, giving the impression that you're pretty much saying anything that comes to your mind.

[Marymic]

I really like the build with the adding of a new line. The emotion builds as the structure builds, I wonder whether it would be stronger it end with 3 lines instead of four.



I am but a man,
do not let me see the monsters,
the ones who were left to rot.


I am but a man,
do not let the cold grasp of sorrow, i really like the grasp, and hands metafore
with its hands ever reaching into my heart,
reap my freedom and will like the crop of souls.


I am but a man,
do not let me see the hatred,
those who have seen it with their lifeless eyes,  i find this stanza too confusing and the confusion takes away the power. . do you not want to see the hatred or those that have been affected by it,
boring into mine with chisels and hammers, love the chisels and hammers and sculptors of despair
sculptors of despair, with nothing to weep for.


I am but a man,
do not let me feel Death,
his skull grinning as he devours,
taking those who have done all wrong,
those who have never seen the light of day,
consuming all, with nothing beyond his reach.


I am but a man,
do not let me see the darkness,
do not let me lose the dying light,
I am but a man.

[QDeathstar]

I've heard the title and refrain before. I feel like I am wasting time reading it again.

I am but a man,
do not let me see the monsters,
the ones who were left to rot.

stanza doesn't really make a lot of sense. The ones who were left to rot? which ones? what monsters? it doesn't really draw me into the poem. I'm kind of turned off.

I am but a man,
do not let the cold grasp of sorrow,
with its hands ever reaching into my heart,
reap my freedom and will like the crop of souls.

this image is better, cept for that old ratty refrain. I'd also suggest cutting ever from " hands ever reaching". it's awkward without reason.

I am but a man,
do not let me see the hatred,
those who have seen it with their lifeless eyes,
boring into mine with chisels and hammers,
sculptors of despair, with nothing to weep for.
again, not all terrible, sculptors of despair is nice. lifeless eyes is tired, on the other hand. I also think those is a poor word choice. Honestly the poem at this point is coming off bitter and judgmental. I think it would be a lot more impactful if it were witten self respectively. Eg, I am but I man, blind to my hatred


I am but a man,
do not let me feel Death,
his skull grinning as he devours,
taking those who have done all wrong,
those who have never seen the light of day,
consuming all, with nothing beyond his reach.
i think everyone is fine with death happening to those who have done wrong. I would rework this stanza on what man does not want to see, innocent death


I am but a man,
do not let me see the darkness,
do not let me lose the dying light,
I am but a man.
closing on three old cliches ain't the best way to end it

You've got some workable stuff here, but I'd try to block out what you heard before as I don't want to read it again.