06-25-2015, 03:07 AM
Hello Q.C.--
I know that you're asking something different, but painting a picture with words is called "concrete poetry". Google it. It may offer inspiration.
Writing a poem about writing a poem, in this case, is different than what Dana Giola is saying in " The Next Poem", or Ted Kooser's "Selecting a Reader", or Robert Francis' "Glass". Check 'em out, they could help.
The more direct answer that I'd give to your question is not really a critique of the poem, per se, but answers a lot of the questions put forth by it:
- Forced rhymes are deadly, and there seem to be a few in this piece.
- Use words accurately, use those words to create images (ie SHOW, don't tell).
- Read some of the articles on this very website. Read more poetry and try to take it apart-- stuff you like and don't like.
- Avoid FLOW unless you are intentionally writing free verse.
- Look up terms, such as "free verse".
- Read a book like "Writing Poems" by R. Wallace & M. Boisseau (which I find to be one of the most readable books of instruction).
- Listen to feedback that is constructive, even if it's negative.
- Block out feedback that is useless, such as "wow! that's really nice. I really like it"
- Write, write, and re-write.
- Review your writing closely: When you wrote " Floating through annals ..." I could not help but picture "stuff" in the sewer.
- Never assume that you will have a chance to explain your poem. Poems are very often understood differently.
- I know I mentioned accuracy, but I want to stress that a poem about the year 1812 probably shouldn't have an airplane in it. Even minor inaccuracies can be more misleading than you think.
- Go easy on the metaphors. Know what "tenor" and "vehicle" mean and you'll be ahead of the program.
- EDITEDITEDIT. There are almost always too many words in a poem. Mostly to maintain meter.
- Study meter in depth and you will be surprised at the number of variations there are, beyond iambs, anapests, trochees, dactyls, and spondees.
- Read it out loud.
- Have somebody else read it out loud.
Don't want to veer too far off course, but I think my suggestions can be applied, in general, to this poem.
Thanks for the read,
... Mark
Please be mindful that this is the Novice forum. This is perhaps all good information, but it really belongs in the discussion forum (there are several extant discussions to which this may be applicable). Aside from your comment about your misinterpretation of the word "annals", this information might have been copy/pasted for any number of poems. We appreciate attempts to assist novice poets, but please break them into smaller, more relevant pieces in future, so as to make learning simpler/ Admin
I know that you're asking something different, but painting a picture with words is called "concrete poetry". Google it. It may offer inspiration.
Writing a poem about writing a poem, in this case, is different than what Dana Giola is saying in " The Next Poem", or Ted Kooser's "Selecting a Reader", or Robert Francis' "Glass". Check 'em out, they could help.
The more direct answer that I'd give to your question is not really a critique of the poem, per se, but answers a lot of the questions put forth by it:
- Forced rhymes are deadly, and there seem to be a few in this piece.
- Use words accurately, use those words to create images (ie SHOW, don't tell).
- Read some of the articles on this very website. Read more poetry and try to take it apart-- stuff you like and don't like.
- Avoid FLOW unless you are intentionally writing free verse.
- Look up terms, such as "free verse".
- Read a book like "Writing Poems" by R. Wallace & M. Boisseau (which I find to be one of the most readable books of instruction).
- Listen to feedback that is constructive, even if it's negative.
- Block out feedback that is useless, such as "wow! that's really nice. I really like it"
- Write, write, and re-write.
- Review your writing closely: When you wrote " Floating through annals ..." I could not help but picture "stuff" in the sewer.
- Never assume that you will have a chance to explain your poem. Poems are very often understood differently.
- I know I mentioned accuracy, but I want to stress that a poem about the year 1812 probably shouldn't have an airplane in it. Even minor inaccuracies can be more misleading than you think.
- Go easy on the metaphors. Know what "tenor" and "vehicle" mean and you'll be ahead of the program.
- EDITEDITEDIT. There are almost always too many words in a poem. Mostly to maintain meter.
- Study meter in depth and you will be surprised at the number of variations there are, beyond iambs, anapests, trochees, dactyls, and spondees.
- Read it out loud.
- Have somebody else read it out loud.
Don't want to veer too far off course, but I think my suggestions can be applied, in general, to this poem.
Thanks for the read,
... Mark
Please be mindful that this is the Novice forum. This is perhaps all good information, but it really belongs in the discussion forum (there are several extant discussions to which this may be applicable). Aside from your comment about your misinterpretation of the word "annals", this information might have been copy/pasted for any number of poems. We appreciate attempts to assist novice poets, but please break them into smaller, more relevant pieces in future, so as to make learning simpler/ Admin
