Asking a girl to dance

[Martyl]

It's an easy thing,
To walk across a floor,
To ask a girl to dance
And if she is agreeable,to dance,
And if not,to slip away,
Bruised,but willing to fight another day

It's not so simple after all,
To ask a girl to dance
To walk across a floor,
To stand before her friends
Who look on this as sport,
To see him wriggle on a pin
To become the butt end of their jokes

The courage that it takes,
To cast aside your fears
To step into the void,
To ask a girl to dance,
To understand the risks
And carry on unbowed

We only can salute,
These warriors of the night,
These champions of the floor,
Who walk across a floor
With hearts upon their sleeves,
To ask a girl to dance

[Leanne]

I enjoy the idea of the shifting refrain -- it's a nice simple line that works well. I'm not convinced that the setup is strong enough though. The poem flat-out states "it's an easy thing" and then "it's not so simple after all", and I feel the first stanza should be delivered with a little more sarcasm or flippancy. For example, "Yes, it's such an easy thing" gives the impression of a direct reply to someone's rather ignorant assertion.

There is a kind of poetry form you might like to look into called the quatern, which uses a similar kind of pattern to yours only with more structure. If you want to practise you need only yell at one of us to give you a hand.

[first_high_of_the_day]

The ideas of the poem were very clearly communicated. However, the word choice and form felt inexperienced and lazy. I didn't believe you when you said, "These warriors of the night, These champions of the floor," It felt cheesy. You hadn't convinced me yet. While I understood exactly what you were saying, I wasn't sold.

[LorettaYoung]

Your point is made clear. In stanza one L 4-5, especially line 4 is distracting and awkward, I think this is a good beginning and I would take Leanne's advice about working on quatrains. Loretta

[summermoose]

I think you have a good idea to work with here and definitely agree with the previous critiques as well. Particularly I would reiterate the idea that the definite tone with which the first stanza delivers the idea of ease takes away from the poems message.

Additionally, the repetition of "dance" and "floor" in the lines below are a bit distracting for me.

To ask a girl to dance
And if she is agreeable,to dance,

These champions of the floor,
Who walk across a floor

If you do want to close with the picture of a "warrior" and "champion", perhaps develop that idea a bit more through the poem and develop wording around the ideas of battle earlier in the poem. Otherwise it can be a little disjointed.

Cheers and happy writing!