I Remember

[Erthona]

There is a fair amount of unintended ambiguity:

"Our past rings in my heart." Did you have them surgically implanted?
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The rhyming is inconsistent, and where it appears it seems forced.

"While stagnation is my life
You find the groove
Like the edge is to the knife."

"You find the groove like the edge is to the knife." Does that sentence make sense to you? groove and edge are opposites.

A similar phrase would be "You find the light like the blackness of night."


Best,

dale

[Brendan Gorman]

I'm flying high on memories
My dreams glow with bright color
The ones of you and not the others
Our past rings in my heart.

You grow then move
While stagnation is my life
You find the groove
Like the edge is to the knife.

Longing for your warmth
I see that I am drowning
Mold into what's around you
My love needs to go forth.

[/b] Over all I liked it. The first two lines gave good imagery, (which I like). "Mold into what's around you" kinda seemed out of place for me, but most likely i'm being stupid. Keep posting, love to see more

[Crabby Gourmet]

I like the feeling but I guess I think that it should have either some rhyming or cadence. That's just me. Maybe I have a lot to learn.

[George]

I like the theme here, just think that you should focus more on one image since you kind of breeze through each one. All the images are there, I just would prefer more details :p