The Trees are Burning ~ re discussion of Cumbria Killings

[Bianca Alabaster]

The day before the Fort Hood
Shootings
I came down my drive
Towards the mountain,
And the forest was burning!
It frightened me,
The fire was violent,
was it an omen?

12 dead 31 injured
while the minutes ticked away
and we read the news of the day
one injured became the dead.

13 dead and 30 injured,
the paper read
after we slept.

Does anyone else feel outrage?
And she was pregnant…
That makes an innocent baby
One of the lost.
(And they didn't count the baby
in the total on the headlines)
Why is that?!!!!
I'm so angry, I cannot cry.

My mind screamed,
why couldn't someone stop him!
If not the soldiers, why not the janitor?
Someone, anyone!

The trees are burning.
I could see the patch of woods
Like it was only 100 feet away,
Burning hot, torching a path.

I knew it was maybe 10 miles
Or more in distance.
But it seared close in my eyes.
Screaming danger!
Screaming –this is wrong!


I wanted to run like Paul Revere
Through the neighborhood
And warn the town,
To beg for help,
To ask someone
Anyone,
to let me put
The fire out.

But I knew
No one would care.
It's just loggers
Or the Forestry Dept.
Doing controlled burning -
My friend said.

So the trees were a bad omen
for the innocent lives taken…
They had their candle-light vigil.
In remembrance of the young
soldiers that died.
People stood around and some cried.
Texas was affected,
while maybe the rest of the U.S. didn't care.
We still got our Latte's.
Had our comforts, our little lives.

I think there must be a better way.
God surely is grieving,
So what if He had His way…
When the one you love dies.
The next day:
the sun should NOT rise,
the birds should NOT sing,
the church bells should NOT ring,
the sky should NOT be blue,
NO one should be saying any I LOVE YOU'S.

The world should NOT go on.
NO one should sing any songs.
The person who lost their beloved,
Should be able to stand and scream
They should be allowed to wail and weep
For days and days without any sleep.
Time should stand still until they are done.
And we should support that hurting one.
When they breathe again,
And feel better at last.
Then the mad mad world
can move on, just as fast.

©11/9/09

[addy]

This poem to me was like an opened floodgate. You wanted to say so many things, and so much emotion poured out.

I like it, but I think a lot can still be done to edit and shorten it. Right now parts of it are like prose or a litany... I appreciate the passion behind it, but in poetry (as with any writing) it also helps to go back to the piece and look at it with a tempered mind and a tempered heart. If you can distill this poem more, it would make it doubly better imo

[Bianca Alabaster]

I agree with what you said, but I'm afraid. There is power in emotion / passion. It indeed was a floodgate or what I consider a poet's rant. Like a prose. I'm afraid to shorten it because it seems to me everything in there is important.

I am a tree hugger and an environmentalist, I am a people-lover, super patriotic, a despise injustice and really feel super strongly that people are not allowed to grieve in society any more.
There is symbolism in the piece too. I am afraid to edit it. Like I would ruin it. I'm not saying it is perfect, mind you. I know it isn't, but it's expressive. OK, confusing babbling over.


What would you suggest, now that you know more from the author's point of view? Thanks very much.

[billy]

The day before the Fort Hood
Shootings
I came down my drive
Towards the mountain,
And the forest was burning!
It frightened me,
The fire was violent,
was it an omen?

12 dead 31 injured
while the minutes ticked away
and we read the news of the day
one injured became the dead.

13 dead and 30 injured,
the paper read
after we slept.

Does anyone else feel outrage?
And she was pregnant…
That makes an innocent baby
One of the lost.
(And they didn't count the baby
in the total on the headlines)
Why is that?!!!!
I'm so angry, I cannot cry.

My mind screamed,
why couldn't someone stop him!
If not the soldiers, why not the janitor?
Someone, anyone!

The trees are burning.
I could see the patch of woods
Like it was only 100 feet away,
Burning hot, torching a path.

I knew it was maybe 10 miles
Or more in distance.
But it seared close in my eyes.
Screaming danger!
Screaming –this is wrong!


I wanted to run like Paul Revere
Through the neighborhood
And warn the town,
To beg for help,
To ask someone
Anyone,
to let me put
The fire out.

But I knew
No one would care.
It's just loggers
Or the Forestry Dept.
Doing controlled burning -
My friend said.

So the trees were a bad omen
for the innocent lives taken…
They had their candle-light vigil.
In remembrance of the young
soldiers that died.
People stood around and some cried.
Texas was affected,
while maybe the rest of the U.S. didn't care.
We still got our Latte's.
Had our comforts, our little lives.

I think there must be a better way.
God surely is grieving,
So what if He had His way…
When the one you love dies.
The next day:
the sun should NOT rise,
the birds should NOT sing,
the church bells should NOT ring,
the sky should NOT be blue,
NO one should be saying any I LOVE YOU'S.

The world should NOT go on.
NO one should sing any songs.
The person who lost their beloved,
Should be able to stand and scream
They should be allowed to wail and weep
For days and days without any sleep.
Time should stand still until they are done.
And we should support that hurting one.
When they breathe again,
And feel better at last.
Then the mad mad world
can move on, just as fast.

©11/9/09

oooh a long one

first off we obviously have two distinct poems at play, and that fine, good and sometimes make read all the more special

i did read the to a fro between you and addy which i shouldn't really cos i hate clouding my judgment lol.

for me it has one great or at least very good poem inside it.
i really (and it's just my opinion) think it's needs a fairly heavy prune in order to make the juxtaposition of the fire and the shootings stand out.

after i few reads i really think it has a lot going for it.
believe it or not i found this to be the most important verse;

But I knew
No one would care.
It's just loggers
Or the Forestry Dept.
Doing controlled burning -
My friend said.

it grounds the poem, brings ban some stability to the craziness.

too much that i like to mention one part though i think thanks for the read as always Bianca

[digna_sofia]

Bianca, I agree with Addy that this poem needs a bit of distillation. But given your misgivings I'd suggest that you turn this into a cycle poem - that is to say, a poem of many parts that still pertain to one event or theme. I have to mention that you already have a near-perfect title for a such a cycle poem.

All you need to do is take everything you've written and re-break the lines, then put them in parts. For example:

I.
The day before the Fort Hood
Shootings
I came down my drive
Towards the mountain,
And the forest was burning!
It frightened me,
The fire was violent,
was it an omen?

II.
12 dead 31 injured
while the minutes ticked away
and we read the news of the day
one injured became the dead.

13 dead and 30 injured,
the paper read
after we slept.

Does anyone else feel outrage?

III.
[And] she was pregnant…
That makes an innocent baby
One of the lost.
(And they didn't count the baby
in the total on the headlines)

Why is that?!!!!

I'm so angry, I cannot cry.

Hardly any change, and yet there is improvement, don't you agree? And just to complete the cycle, you can choose write a final stanza/part similar to the vein or structure of the first part. It may provide a kind of empty resolution reflecting frustration over repeating tragedies such as this.

Just a suggestion.

[Bianca Alabaster]

wow thanks everyone. I like the idea of a cycle poem. much appreciated.