Meat Grinder ~ adult content

[Bianca Alabaster]

Did you ever think it would
be glorious to fall into
an industrial size
vat, meat grinder?

The thought bubbled into
my mind the other day
while staring blankly
as I drove
glorious, glorious
yes indeed,
to fall into a meat grinder!

Stranger that I am to myself
these days, I didn’t even
flinch at the thought,
but welcomed it.

A meat grinder
hideous, but my last
hide-a-way.
Bloody crimson,
but my last comfort.
The excruciating pain
that would end
all other excruciating pain.

That few minutes
of screaming and agony
then death – that sweet sleep.

Yes, I’m sure I would
change my mind
once inside… when
my clothes caught
and it took hold of
my feet and flesh.

I’d probably try
to scramble out of the
slimy funnel and up
its’ wall, clawing with
my nails as I screamed for help.

But the machine wouldn’t stop
it has no ears to hear.
Just like the machine of time
and this life I lead
that goes on and on
when I’ve had enough.

The blades would chew up
my bones and move up
my legs, ripping my skin
and flesh from me
and by the time I’m
ground-up to my torso
I’m sure I’d be passed out.

Oh, but what my eyes would
see, that ghastly sight,
Horrible but glorious
it would be!
I’d finally have the last word
and be the most evil one
to do the most evil act to
myself and out-do what
the evil world has done to me.

© Bianca 5/17/2010

[billy]

for some reason it made me smile

but i'm not sure if that was the intent.
if you don't mind me saying, when i comment on angst
poetry i always say make it different, original
this is certainly that.
an image in place of one of the tells
for me would enhance the poem to be even better.

thanks for the poem Bianca.
well worth the read

[addy]

Yep, it's definitely original. Just imo though, I think you can shorten this, or as billy suggested add a few more images. Because to me its just one image that you stretched out too much over the entirety of the poem, so by the last few verses it was already starting to lose its impact and just becoming a bit obvious. Again just imo, but its still a very competently written, gutsy poem

[wunderkind]

Hi Bianca,

I agree with what addy said about there being just one image. At one point you compared the meat grinder to the "machine of time"... I can see where you're coming from, how life can just wear us down sometimes. I think it would have been interesting if you had stretched out that analogy a little more. Maybe compare what living your life is like compared to the experience of the meat grinder. Very interesting concept, I think

[Bianca Alabaster]

>>> Wow great comments / suggestions everyone. This piece was passionate and a puzzle to me at the same time. I had raw emotions but also insane thoughts - like it that it made one of you smile! It made me smile too! The poem was almost going to be a "self-portrait" but then it would have been too long and wrong. There was more imagery, way more, but I snuffed it - at the bubbling thought that came to my mind there was bubbling blood coming out of my mouth at the end. The flinching away at the morbid thought (that I should have done) brought images of searching for sanity and finding none. My poetry is to go with first instincts because I don't trust my rework, but my raw work. Thank you everyone so much.

Hi Bianca,

I agree with what addy said about there being just one image. At one point you compared the meat grinder to the "machine of time"... I can see where you're coming from, how life can just wear us down sometimes. I think it would have been interesting if you had stretched out that analogy a little more. Maybe compare what living your life is like compared to the experience of the meat grinder. Very interesting concept, I think

[billy]

we don't have many members as of yet Mimi but hopefully if we can get a few interactive members like you and sharon we'll get there (where ever there is )

because of our small membership it amy be a short while before poems are given feedback but i can promise they will get at least one honest response lol.

looking forward to seeing more of your work .