12-17-2011, 08:05 AM
just a light line-by
if this lacked anything for me, it was something to imagine. there was little to visualize until the final stanza, where it all collected perfectly. adding as little as cards, a table, a crystal ball, I think would give the poem a new layer. That being said, I could see you making the argument that a poem on this topic should probably stay away from concrete images, what with its focus on the supernatural more or less. I enjoyed the read!
(12-12-2011, 07:45 AM)Heslopian Wrote: In everyone there lives
a weakness for the language of
the psychic charlatan. ..I played with dropping the word "psychic." not sure if you need it 100%
That love may reach beyond
the confines of mortality. ...think an image would ground these lines, as at the moment it is a bit abstract. "mortality" offers plenty of opportunities as basic of coffins, graves, and the like
The sensible shut it away.
Though who dares blame the gullible,
whose naievety comes not
from stupidity but pain,
visions of the gulf
extending after death.
Fathers, mothers, children, friends,
gathered in the balding head
of the stranger at your door. ..really strong close I think
if this lacked anything for me, it was something to imagine. there was little to visualize until the final stanza, where it all collected perfectly. adding as little as cards, a table, a crystal ball, I think would give the poem a new layer. That being said, I could see you making the argument that a poem on this topic should probably stay away from concrete images, what with its focus on the supernatural more or less. I enjoyed the read!
Written only for you to consider.