v2. No Ephemera

[matsunosuperfan]

This really grabbed me from the jump. I think the first half is considerably stronger than the second. For me the strength is in the smoothness of the sound and rhythm. A lot of these lines have a really lovely, tangible cadence, like "and yours is the softest of voices." The iambic concern is motivating. 

OK reading again the first line is probably warm-up and can go or be reworked. Kind of feels like one of those "let's start with the thesis" things that we do before finding the poem's true shape:

On my knees as I am now 
before you, Mother of all mothers... 

Pretty clearly a stronger opener IMO. 

OK reading again again I am less satisfied than I initially was with the run of abstractions. Think we need a bit more concrete imagery and action. But the philosophy is compelling. I think this poem could benefit from an injection of narrative distance. The speaker may be working a bit too close to the subject in the latter lines, with the risk that things come off a bit maudlin.

Does the poet enjoy William Stafford? The reviewer recommends with enthusiasm the work of William Stafford.

I have not read Stafford. Where would you recommend I start with him?

https://www.reddit.com/r/Poetry/comments..._stafford/