Liminality At The Park

[palifan]

Hi hi

The ball court’s rusted hoops, stooped 
under the weight of dusk, watch the moon-
cloud shadows swoop across concrete.
I like the “weight of dusk” but why is it weighty? Is it because it means for the children playtime is over? That would be a great image but I’d spell the metaphor out more clearly. The hoops here are watching the shadows but later “I” is the central point of view which disrupts the flow a bit.
Nearby, in the dark, children launch 
screams from park swings and flail, awkward
as mid-flight moth wings, before pinpoint landings.
I love the image of kids jumping from swings. I always encourage motion as a both a grounding tool and to give action and energy.
Underneath the pagoda, teens smoke marijuana
and the skunky aroma wafts strong as their coughs
across the trail where the wind picks up over the stream.
Great stuff but if you say “the trail” and  “the stream” readers are going to stop and say “what stream?” “What Trail?” And will expect more information because “the” makes them sound important as if the preceding lines were leading up to this stream and trail instead of them being just part of the background. or do you mean the stream of smoke?
Deer in the low grass stare, heads turned,
white tails bare, until I’ve stepped too near
and they zip away quicker than sparks disappear.
This last stanza seems from a different piece and suddenly “I” is introduced.

I really enjoy your imagery.  I suggest focusing the images a bit meaning give a bit more detail. For example the kids flailing their arms like moth wings, why are both awkward? Are they unsure they’ll stick the landing, are they uncertain of the destination. 

Great images and atmosphere! I just want more! Nice job!