11-15-2025, 02:48 AM
Violent violets
Violent violets crashing in the ground.
petals flying, their story - dying.
Angelic choir singing out of tune.
translated, their life ended too soon.
As the choir fades to disharmony.
Petals are blown away,
I say to him;
It'll be okay.
Revision 1:
Violent violets crashing in the ground.
petals flying, their story - dying.
Angelic choir singing out of tune.
translated, their life ended too soon.
The chorus fading - disharmony.
Petals are blown away,
I say to him;
It'll be okay.
As long as I can stay.
Staying may not last,
I'll hold you closer -
In the past.
I tried using more rhyme. less instinctual and more of a fixed meter.
Violent violets crashing in the ground.
petals flying, their story - dying.
Angelic choir singing out of tune.
translated, their life ended too soon.
As the choir fades to disharmony.
Petals are blown away,
I say to him;
It'll be okay.
Revision 1:
Violent violets crashing in the ground.
petals flying, their story - dying.
Angelic choir singing out of tune.
translated, their life ended too soon.
The chorus fading - disharmony.
Petals are blown away,
I say to him;
It'll be okay.
As long as I can stay.
Staying may not last,
I'll hold you closer -
In the past.
I tried using more rhyme. less instinctual and more of a fixed meter.
I know that rhyme, rhythm, and meter are not academically standardized.
I am well aware of that, yet I primarily do free verse, and it's based on instinctual writing.
I try to avoid academic language or structure. My poems are not meant to convey a single answer.
I try to convey the unknown through minimalism, mostly dense short stanzas with many line breaks.
If you'd give a critique, please keep this in mind.
I am well aware of that, yet I primarily do free verse, and it's based on instinctual writing.
I try to avoid academic language or structure. My poems are not meant to convey a single answer.
I try to convey the unknown through minimalism, mostly dense short stanzas with many line breaks.
If you'd give a critique, please keep this in mind.