11-12-2025, 09:56 AM
(11-12-2025, 09:30 AM)Mostly Holy Wrote: --Hello Holy!
Thank you for the analysis and the time taken for reviewing. Exactly what I needed!
I won't reply to every critique as the poem isn't effective if I have to explain things to give it sense.
I will say 'sonder' is almost imperative.
'Glinting gaze' is one I was working on replacing already, and I'm glad you picked up on it as it's quite weak.
Same with 'wound my blood' - when I wrote it, I actually intended for it to be wound as in, past tense of wind (winding staircase) - and I didn't really realise until... just now that it had the other reading. Either way is wrong, since the rest of the phrase is in present tense. I will change it to winds.
It's meant to be ABCBBB with internal rhymes on the first line (foot 4 and 8) as well as lines three and four (foot 4, 8, 4) - which is also partial reason for 'marigolds.'
For now I will apply edits for 'wound' and 'glinting' - and will continue thinking of ways to make the imagery a bit clearer. I found your read as to the intent of the poem very insightful and fascinating, and if ever you wanted to discuss the intent of it further, I'd love to.