05-22-2010, 09:06 AM
>>> Wow great comments / suggestions everyone. This piece was passionate and a puzzle to me at the same time. I had raw emotions but also insane thoughts - like it that it made one of you smile! It made me smile too! The poem was almost going to be a "self-portrait" but then it would have been too long and wrong. There was more imagery, way more, but I snuffed it - at the bubbling thought that came to my mind there was bubbling blood coming out of my mouth at the end. The flinching away at the morbid thought (that I should have done) brought images of searching for sanity and finding none. My poetry is to go with first instincts because I don't trust my rework, but my raw work. Thank you everyone so much.
(05-22-2010, 08:38 AM)wunderkind Wrote: Hi Bianca,
I agree with what addy said about there being just one image. At one point you compared the meat grinder to the "machine of time"... I can see where you're coming from, how life can just wear us down sometimes. I think it would have been interesting if you had stretched out that analogy a little more. Maybe compare what living your life is like compared to the experience of the meat grinder. Very interesting concept, I think