Souvenir (title change, edit)
#3
(08-26-2022, 09:33 AM)dukealien Wrote:  Remnant


I thought my pet spider had died
but there she is knitting I always feel "here" is more immediate than "there" - when possible
in the corner on her web– "her web in the corner" would read more fluid to my ear
---------------------
it was only 
her discarded
exoskeleton, molted away
like a lost swimsuit found
on the beach at low tide.
If I split the poem in half I feel like the image in the latter half more than deserves a little polish in the first half. L3 is a little wordy by my read.
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Messages In This Thread
Souvenir (title change, edit) - by dukealien - 08-26-2022, 09:33 AM
RE: Remnant - by Semicircle - 08-26-2022, 10:15 AM
RE: Remnant - by Tiger the Lion - 08-26-2022, 10:37 AM
RE: Remnant - by brynmawr1 - 08-26-2022, 10:38 AM
RE: Souvenir (title change, edit) - by dukealien - 08-27-2022, 06:06 AM
RE: Souvenir (title change, edit) - by dukealien - 08-27-2022, 10:57 PM
RE: Souvenir (title change, edit) - by busker - 08-29-2022, 07:55 PM



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