Here comes CABANABA!!!!! (Edit)

[Semicircle]

Cabanaba
might nab ya 
out the door, screen,
or window.



So common–
when you blink
or think: Cabanaba 



Here and there–
disappearances



Instant



Don't waste your worry 
when Cabanaba nabs ya–
it’ll be in a hurry.

[brynmawr1]

Cabanaba
might nab ya out
the door, window,
or screen.


When you blink
or think: Cabanaba


So common that
you shouldn’t worry     Don't
because when 
Cabanaba nabs ya–
it’ll be in a hurry.

Hey Sc,
This is great!  I made some suggested cuts.  You might have to rearrange lines a bit by either moving S2 into S1 or part of S3 into S2.
Anyway, thanks for the read,
steve

[Semicircle]

Cabanaba
might nab ya out
the door, window,
or screen.


When you blink
or think: Cabanaba


So common that
you shouldn’t worry     Don't
because when 
Cabanaba nabs ya–
it’ll be in a hurry.

Hey Sc,
This is great!  I made some suggested cuts.  You might have to rearrange lines a bit by either moving S2 into S1 or part of S3 into S2.
Anyway, thanks for the read,
steve

I decided S3 into S2, and that's a swell critique! Nice to have you on the pen.

[CRNDLSM]

Cabanaba
might nab ya out I would put 'out' on the next line
the door, window, and I would switch 'window' and 'screen'
or screen.



So common–
when you blink
or think: Cabanaba I really like this punctuation leading to the next block of words down there



Don't worry  
when Cabanaba nabs ya–
it’ll be in a hurry. I don't quite understand why it's in a hurry, maybe you can expand on this with more explanations as to why I shouldn't worry?

[Semicircle]

Cabanaba
might nab ya out I would put 'out' on the next line
the door, window, and I would switch 'window' and 'screen'
or screen.



So common–
when you blink
or think: Cabanaba I really like this punctuation leading to the next block of words down there



Don't worry  
when Cabanaba nabs ya–
it’ll be in a hurry. I don't quite understand why it's in a hurry, maybe you can expand on this with more explanations as to why I shouldn't worry?

Thanks for the critique and encouragement! I have revised.

---

Cabanaba is supposed to be somewhat of a vague but menacing creature, so I'm trying to be as open to interpretation as I can with him. There is an underlying metaphor intended.