Next in Time (edit of To Salinger's Seymour)

[TranquillityBase]

Hello again Tim-

I read Steve's comment that "pounce", grammatically speaking, refers back to "the twitching tail" and see how that could cause confusion.

And that leads to a suggestion, which shortens this one even more, while capitalizing the bird's/woman's name.  Of course, it's just a suggestion:

Phoebe
twitching
perched on a rock

about to pounce.

ps. I left off the body part, to avoid a visual of a woman twitching her ass. Also, I wouldn't have commented again unless I really liked this one.  It really is fine in the revision, I just couldn't help but tinker-- chisel, chisel chisel, til there's nothing left but dust... 

Mark,

Thanks for revisiting.  I don't really like the ambiguity of just saying "Phoebe" because I want it to be a picture of the bird.  Anyway, I'm editing and replacing the now meaningless title with something I hope is more appropriate.

Tim