Unregenerate Humanity -edit2

[alonso ramoran]

Hey dukealien,

I'm fairly new to writing in form and exploring the world of poetic form, but after some light research I believe this is an English sonnet. The curtailed sonnet you're asking of is one that consists of 11 lines w/ a rhyme scheme of abcabc dcbdc or abcabc dbcdc. The wording gets a bit confusing at times in lines like the final one and lines 10- 12 starting at "Mind is thus..." but it's not unreadable. There are lines that stood out to me as being pretty good, particularly "erupting all-forgetfulness". More comments below

Unregenerate Humanity


We learn that unlike rats’ or crows’ Edit: the apostrophes in rats' or crows' is not needed I'm sure
our adult neurons never split
to generate new cells:  mind grows this last foot reads a little spondaic
by forming new connections.  It
relies not on rat-cleverness the meter in this line gets a bit messy. I'd rewrite as "does not rely...", then I'll admit I get stuck on finding another word for rat cleverness while sticking to the rhyme and meter. Would it not give you a little more leeway if you wrote in iambic pentameter instead?
to learn a maze - imprinting on
erupting all-forgetfulness -
but rules cemented from its dawn
of consciousness to solve each maze
and then to build them.  Mind is thus
conservative, each rat-like craze
for novelty a heedless fuss.
Eventually neurons die– Readers might stumble over the ambiguous pronunciation of "eventually". I'd play it safe and write this line out the way people would normally pronounce the word and throw in an "our","the" or something of the sort before "neurons". Nitpick: why is the em-dash used differently here than previously in the sonnet?
more human, that, than multiply.

Not sure what you'd call this - a curtailed sonnet, perhaps?  

Best, Alex