Rebound - edit 1

[Richard]

Hey ritwiksadhu33,
I like what you're trying for here. I do have some thoughts though:

Rebound - edit 1


He looks like me. Twitching eyebrows -Why not start with "Twitching eyebrows" and save the "He looks like me" for later? See below.
standing, forearm lying carelessly
on the table. -I would suggest putting the "He looks like me" here. I think it would give it greater effect.
Her cacophonous laugh
irritates even the stoic
bartender.
I've thought a few times -I would suggest starting a new stanza here.
of changing my evening haunt -If you drop "my evening haunt" from this line, then it could have deeper meaning. Just a thought.
to stop this silly game.
At least the others were different,
Better, maybe.
Have I waited too long? -I like how you moved this question to here from the original. It works better at the end of the stanza because it's a question worth pausing on.

Mirror the world and say yes. -This line bothered me at first, but then it works with the idea of the speaker getting drunk.
Golden hairdos jingle around
in the alcoholic haze
tempting me to undersell:
even the usual drivel -I feel like you need a better word than "drivel". Why does the speaker feel like such conversation is drivel?
better than no conversation at all.
What would you love me as?
Fillet knife - nail polish - fountain pen. -I find this to be strange imagery, but it made me stop and think more about your poem, so that's a good thing.

Mirror oh my mirror are you broken
Could I please heal your wounds
or ink them on my body -Need a period here.

October is when I realise this is another year.
Twelve months of time 
sliced into tinier gulps -May be use the word "morsels" instead of "gulps". I say this because "gulps" implies a liquid and it's hard to slice a liquid.
until they disappear down the gullet -Why "gullet" instead of "throat"? You could add an adjective if you used "throat". 
safely, without coughing or spitting.

You were to grow and you shrunk -Personally, I feel like you need a simile here to describe the shrinking. See below.
and shrunk:
Who am I to trust now my brave Narcissus —
Organic, impractical, decaying;
reading self help books by day,
play-dresing your past by night. -I like those last two lines. I wonder if it would be more effective to start the last stanza with them, and then get into the image of shrinking. Just a thought.

I would suggest rewriting it something like this for the first two lines in the last stanza:
You were to grow, but instead shrunk
like ____________________(fill in the blank appropriately).

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Rebound - original




He looks like me. Have I waited too long

Mirror the world and say yes.
What would you love me as?
Fillet knife nail polish fountain pen

Mirror oh my mirror are you broken
Could I please heal your wounds
or ink them on my body

October is when I realise this is a year.
Twelve months of time divided into tinier and tinier
parts
until they disappear.

You were to grow and you shrunk
and shrunk and shrunk
Who am I to trust now my brave Narcissus,
Organic impractical decaying
reading self help books by day
day-dreaming by night.

I think you're going in the right direction with this, and I look forward to seeing where you go from here.

Cheers,
Richard