A Constant Call to My Fall

[nibbed]

Overall, this poem is quite effective, and I especially appreciate the imagery of the poem. I
The ambiguous meaning to them poem is what makes it all the more enticing. But if your intention is to  present something more meaningful, I suggest you expand upon what you have written, or instead change the vocabulary a little bit more.

Fell

Vapors drop
mace and chains,
whips and fire;
You'll wait
for my love letter,
that murky wedge I don't quite understand this stanza. Is the love letter a prayer perhaps?

between me & God. I like the stand alone line you out here.

I must confess,- somehow I get the impression of someone being underground, in a coffin or something. If that is the case, then this whole stanza is extremely chilling and effective. 
I see snakes
and worms
and hear
the sounds
of much hissing.






original

the sky falls
mace and chains
whips and fire
as you wait
for my love letter
your murky wedge
between me & God
I must confess
I see snakes
and worms
and hear
the sounds
of much hissing

[/quote]



hi 67eager. Thank you for kindly reading my poem and offering your critique. I am sorry I missed this reply. I wrote it when I was feeling very sad and overcome. I forgot to count my blessings that day! Thanks, again.

nibbed