05-09-2017, 02:19 AM
Hi nibbed. I read this as someone who hears hell approaching, like hellhounds in the distance. I actually like it because there's a lovely foreboding quality to it. The last strophe is my favorite -- worms and last confessions hinting at death, and snakes/hissing hinting at evil maybe or even just death by venom.
The title is pretty bland and flat -- I'd use that space to give some context to the poem. Maybe let the title do some of the explaining of what the poem's about. "Fell" is probably doing that to some extent, but it's not strong enough, imo. And the poem seems to be talking about the future, and so the past tense of the title is odd.
I read your explanation of what it's "about" and I wouldn't have made the connection at all. I don't think that's really necessary though. In fact, I think it's better to leave the details out so that it maintains broader significance.
The only thing that I'd like to see clarified is the love letter -- I think there should be some clarification of who's being addressed, why the letter exists, why are they waiting, what makes the letter murky, etc. That's the part I find puzzling. But, I think the ending is great.
I also think that you set up the sonics well for hissing, how you primed the ear to hear that as a perfect closing word.
Hope this helps,
Lizzie
The title is pretty bland and flat -- I'd use that space to give some context to the poem. Maybe let the title do some of the explaining of what the poem's about. "Fell" is probably doing that to some extent, but it's not strong enough, imo. And the poem seems to be talking about the future, and so the past tense of the title is odd.
I read your explanation of what it's "about" and I wouldn't have made the connection at all. I don't think that's really necessary though. In fact, I think it's better to leave the details out so that it maintains broader significance.
The only thing that I'd like to see clarified is the love letter -- I think there should be some clarification of who's being addressed, why the letter exists, why are they waiting, what makes the letter murky, etc. That's the part I find puzzling. But, I think the ending is great.
I also think that you set up the sonics well for hissing, how you primed the ear to hear that as a perfect closing word.
Hope this helps,
Lizzie