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race

Todd Offline

Empty Suit

Posts: 2,401
Threads: 230
Joined: Oct 2010

#12

01-14-2017, 08:00 AM

Usually, Dale, I'm looking for the pop of surprise in the third line--some contrast, epiphany, or irony. I didn't really get that here. I also hate the line ending on the.

That said, I am not pessimistic of you being able to pull something off with the idea. My reaction might just be style choices.

Just my thoughts,

Todd

The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson

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Messages In This Thread

race - by Erthona - 01-07-2017, 11:47 PM

RE: race - by ellajam - 01-07-2017, 11:57 PM

RE: race - by RiverNotch - 01-08-2017, 12:46 AM

RE: race - by dukealien - 01-08-2017, 06:27 AM

RE: race - by Beardowulf - 01-08-2017, 06:37 AM

RE: race - by billy - 01-08-2017, 07:58 AM

RE: race - by Achebe - 01-08-2017, 09:36 AM

RE: race - by billy - 01-08-2017, 11:32 AM

RE: race - by Erthona - 01-13-2017, 12:06 AM

RE: race - by Magpie - 01-13-2017, 02:43 AM

RE: race - by Rogo - 01-14-2017, 07:41 AM

RE: race - by Todd - 01-14-2017, 08:00 AM

RE: race - by Erthona - 01-15-2017, 07:51 AM

RE: race - by rowens - 01-16-2017, 05:57 AM

RE: race - by Erthona - 01-16-2017, 08:56 AM

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