12-07-2016, 06:22 AM
I really liked this. I am unconcerned by the 'lite' punctuation.
(08-19-2015, 10:26 AM)Cousin Kil Wrote: FROM THE TAPPAN ZEEGood to find a poem that speaks o me. Yes, develop this work, perhaps picture the bridges architecture more.
It’s a dismal shot to that god damn city....................love this line. Get right to the point with a dry remark.
you can hardly see her through the fog
and sometimes you don’t, or never do..............................like how you imply that this is a good thing.
it depends on how often you’ve crossed
but she looks like she stabs straight
out of the water
like she ascended with exhaust..............................maybe work these images up some. They feel incomplete.
she’s a siren with a cigarette......................good sonic effect and strong image
I know
‘cause I’ve crossed that bridge before
after a while, I quit looking to the side.....................love the shrug implied in this last line.
------------------------------
Very new and very short one. Looking to go further with it. As usual, beat it up.
Thanks.

