Leopard

[Julius]

As this is not an ELH anyway except in terms of the syllable count (there is no seasonal word), "grazes" is much more descriptive of a herbivore, feed is more akin to a meat eater. Disregarding the syllable count you could then include the much needed "his" in the last line. These two changes vastly improves the poem and who really gives a damn about the syllable count, especially as this is not going to be a haiku regardless.

dale

Hi Dale,
I find seeking advice on a new endeavour can be quite confusing. I think this is especially so when what advice you can find is contradictory. For example insistence that there must be a seasonal word otherwise it cannot be a haiku conflicts with other haiku rule descriptions which start "usually" or "originally". I realise that advice gleaned from the internet must always be taken with a "pinch of salt". The following is advice that I have tried to follow:-

Haiku was traditionally written in the present tense and focused on associations between images. There was a pause at the end of the first or second line, and a “season word," or kigo, specified the time of year.


As the form has evolved, many of these rules—including the 5/7/5 practice—have been routinely broken. However, the philosophy of haiku has been preserved: the focus on a brief moment in time; a use of provocative, colorful images; an ability to be read in one breath; and a sense of sudden enlightenment and illumination.

https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/text/poetic-form-haiku