My Love

[jams01752]

This poem speaks of a fair lady, a woman that is my love.

Sweet fragrance, of perfume excelling,

Marvelous vision, of a form demanding.

Wavy hair, woven of a divine flair,

Alluring lady, of an elegance so fair.



Forms adorned with heavenly quality,

Beauty pleasing to the eye with regality.

Colors, shapes, sounds, a resounding bell,

Fountain of youth, springing a powerful well.



Silky hands made of a consoling touch,

Stout feet that stand in Peruvian rock.

O, delirious weakness, my Achilles' heel,

Heart of fire, thoughts that stand still.



Seductive eyes, pleasure without measure,

Olives devouring with a delectable azure.

Otherworldly dame graced in enduring fame,

Only sight enkindling the passionate flame.

Hi,
Overall comment about the poem: although the theme which you have chosen is a broad theme (love) the imagery which is then used in the poem should not be as general as it is about something in particular with individual qualities. You are trying to describe 1.what these qualities are and 2.how they are perceived/why they are desirable/the emotion they evoke in you. A lot of the images seem non-specific and appear to me as Barnum statements (statements which apply to a large number of people). I think something to work on would be to make the imagery less vague and lower the range so it's more individual.
For example in lines 7+8
"Colors, shapes, sounds, a resounding bell,

Fountain of youth, springing a powerful well."

This is non-specific and leaves the poem open to ambiguity. What colours, shapes etc. Although sometimes ambiguity is necessary to convey multiple ideas at once I think with the purpose of this poem when describing something in particular more detailed descriptions/imagery is needed. Lastly, I enjoyed stanza three the most in this poem as I think it held the most powerful imagery.

James