My Love

[fluorescent.43]

This poem speaks of a fair lady, a woman that is my love.

Sweet fragrance, of perfume excelling,

Marvelous vision, of a form demanding.

Wavy hair, woven of a divine flair,

Alluring lady, of an elegance so fair.



Forms adorned with heavenly quality,

Beauty pleasing to the eye with regality.

Colors, shapes, sounds, a resounding bell,

Fountain of youth, springing a powerful well.



Silky hands made of a consoling touch,

Stout feet that stand in Peruvian rock.

O, delirious weakness, my Achilles' heel,

Heart of fire, thoughts that stand still.



Seductive eyes, pleasure without measure,

Olives devouring with a delectable azure.

Otherworldly dame graced in enduring fame,

Only sight enkindling the passionate flame.

eh... i read this poem over a few times-- i understand this is a love poem, but even for a poem it lacks depth. a lot of the lines seem to say the same thing-- she's beautiful. i'm not in love nor do i wrote poems like this because i'm simply not good enough to make it work, but i'd suggest adding things this woman does. things that make you (or the speaker, really) love this woman. small quirks. make her come alive within the poem instead of hiding what you really mean with pretty (a bit generic, as well) words. also, why are the lines spaced out like that? that's just an aesthetic nitpick; i'm sure you have your reasons. there are some really nice images in here, so i'd suggest picking a few and fleshing them out. also, the rhymes are kind of off. i suck at rhyming, but the rhyming switches on and off between stanzas.

i think this is a good premise, but worked over it could turn into something really nice. good luck with it!