06-04-2015, 11:21 AM
Mr Q
Disagreement with the previous crit as to needing more information; it is all there and this is brilliant minimalism. It's obvious to me that the line "time has failed him" is a double layered statement--his watch has failed (tickless and the title) and time, as he's growing older has failed him as well, contemplating like most do near the end of life all the what could have been had he more time.
The only thing I might change, if I were the author, is the arrangement of the last line and that's just purely artistic aesthetic. I would make it two sentences and avoid the em dash. But if you do choose to leave it as one line, you need to make "all" lower case.
Cheers love,
mel.
Disagreement with the previous crit as to needing more information; it is all there and this is brilliant minimalism. It's obvious to me that the line "time has failed him" is a double layered statement--his watch has failed (tickless and the title) and time, as he's growing older has failed him as well, contemplating like most do near the end of life all the what could have been had he more time.
The only thing I might change, if I were the author, is the arrangement of the last line and that's just purely artistic aesthetic. I would make it two sentences and avoid the em dash. But if you do choose to leave it as one line, you need to make "all" lower case.
Cheers love,
mel.