Backlit Nature

[Moose]

though im a little nervous to post this, since i rarely share any of my poetry, i figured i might as well find out if it was any good or not.  

Backlit Nature Revision 2

The rising Sun spills sanguine gold,
From spotty splits in skin.
The drops descend so ceaselessly
Wetting earths tilted spin.

The greenery spreads with quickness
Their leafy limbs bend over
Trees tilt, raising lips to the sun,
Drinking their honeyed lover--

Brown grasses sway incessantly,
whispering words of wind,
Dubbed blades merely by  appearance,
They bow to simple skin

Sweet singers perch on vantage points,
Ruffling plumage proud.
Silky syllables, meaningless,
Unless they're hear aloud.

White tipped waves wash upon the sand
Salty upon grey shore
A wondrous azure spectacle
But bound to grey moons core

Her eyes as true as cat or hawk
Though deeper than green sea
More soulful than an animals,
With no reason to be.

Two wondrous globes sit in sockets,
As strong as worlds alone,
Never behold such great beauty,
Still staring at a phone


origional


The Sun spills sanguine gold,
From spotty splits in skin.
Drops descend, innumerable,
Wetting earths tilted spin.

Greenery graces all places,
leafy limbs lumber all over,
Trees tilt tacitly to sun,
Drinking their honeyed lover.

The feline fixates fully,
All focuses finely tuned.
Springing on shadowy specters,
Feeling fall flowers bloomed.

Grasses sway incessantly,
whispering wise words of wind,
Dubbed blades by mere appearance,
They bow soft to simple skin

Sweet singers sit still,
Ruffling plumage so proud.
Silky syllables, meaningless,
Unless they are hear aloud.

White tipped waves wash,
Salt upon sandy shore
A wondrous azure beauty,
Bound to grey moons core

Her eyes as feline or hawk,
Though deeper than green sea
More emotion than simple mammal,
With no easy reason to be.

Two wondrous globes in sockets,
More powerful than worlds alone,
Would never behold such beauty,
Ignorantly stare into a phone

Hi hope,
Would like to start by saying I love the title. I find it very evocative.

There are some beautiful turns of phrase in this poem which sparkle off the page. I love the transition from sanguine gold to spotty split skin. Genius.

This however makes the odd clunks the more jarring:
For me the last two stanzas belong to another poem. I'm taken from a lovely word portrait of the great outdoors and
jarringly (for me) put in the presence of a female and a phone. For me the shift of scene could be smoother.

One thing that did immediately stand out uncomfortably was the line 'Unless they're hear aloud'. It doesn't scan: I know you have explained your reasons for using those particular words but I am still unclear as to the meaning and agree with the observation that 'heard' is a far more fluent unless the intention is to conflate 'hear' with 'here'.

It is great to see the evolution from the original.
Please take my comments with a pinch of salt as I have no formal experience/understanding on which I've based my observations.

Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of your poems.