Backlit Nature

[hopefularahant]

Hello hopefularahant

Far to many people are slaves of their phones, very sad indeed.

I think you can say more with less in your poem. From my reads I find that your images/thoughts are diluted by an excess of words.    


The rising Sun spills sanguine gold,
From spotty splits in skin.

Their leafy limbs bend over
Drinking their honey lover--

grasses sway incessantly,
whispering words of wind,

Song birds?
Silky syllables, meaningless,
Unless they're heard

White tipped waves wash upon the sand
Salty upon grey shore
A wondrous azure spectacle
But bound to grey moons core  (wind crates waves – moon creates tide)

Her eyes as true as cat or hawk
Though deeper than green sea
More soulful than an animals,   (This verse tripped me up every time)
With no reason to be.

Wondrous globes distracted
such beauty to behold

Still staring at a phone

Take care,
John

Thanks for taking the time to critique! And as far as the length of my poem, i could definitely cut out lines or parts of stanzas, though the meter and feet require the words to stay, unless i change that too, which is not out of the question. And thanks for the moon observation! Proves what i know about astronomy, lol. And finally, i mean to say that human eyes are far more complex than an animals, though we still have no solid reasoning behind the purpose of the existance of man.