03-01-2015, 11:01 AM
I would agree with the comments regarding alliteration. Context is important in deciding when and where to use it. The number of syllables in lines and verses differs from verse to verse. This makes to flow of the poem difficult for the reader. I guess I’m looking for meter, a regular pattern of stressed and unstressed syllables. Try reading the poem out loud. I find that this helps me find the lines and words to address. There are a number of lines that create interesting imagery. “The Sun spills sanguine gold” could easily describe the sunrise I witnessed this morning. I look forward to see what you do with this.