Forever at Half-Mast (experimental sonnet rhyme scheme included)

[tectak]

Thanks so much for all the suggestions! Here's my first edit:
I think I am a flag, forever at
half-mast, and drooping in a windless dusk, Again, watch your syntax and sort out the punctuation. You have written "I think I am a flag,XXXXXXX, and drooping in a windless dusk, hung (hang?)scarcely twitching like a crumpled husk when corn-worms, swollen, slow and waxy-fat creep out of their exhausted habitat, to unfurl on their journey to the sky" PHEW!!! Just because it is poetry does NOT mean you can completely do away with grammar. You fix.
hung scarcely twitching like a crumpled husk
when corn-worms, swollen, slow, and waxy-fat
creep out of their exhausted habitat,
to unfurl on their journey to the sky.
A flag whose destiny's to never fly, Risky word(s), destiny's. You may scrape in on meter but it is a tight fit. Again, the emphases are squidgy. All is syllable count and it does no make for easy reading
but watch the sun go down below the flat, You are getting in to a messy phase with your tense. We have "I am"(Present), "hung twitching"(past) and then "but (I will) watch" (arguably a modified imperfect/progressive present. "I watch" is made difficult because of the time-warp caused by "hung twitching")
unending earth, and tremble at my doom-
the hopeless night, and then be lowered down… A mess, indeed. A dash (meaning what, after corn dash worms and waxy dash fat?) followed incongruously by a comma followed by ellipses followed by another comma follwed by a colon, followed by ANOTHER comma and another and another and another! You leave in the "and" words still. Why? They are conjunctions which substitute for commas, yet you include the squiggly marks anyway.Note! Neither colons, commas, semicolons, dashes or enjambment END a sentence...so the last is one helluva sentence. Do not TRY to read this out-loud without oxygen bottles to hand.
and folded up, and placed into my tomb:
an unmarked box, kept in an empty room,
an unremembered shelf, an unknown town,
and leave a naked rod stuck in the ground. I think, you know, what you need, to do, so, I will leave it, up to:you"
Original:
I think I am a flag, forever at
half-mast, and hanging in a windless dusk,
then sometimes twitching like a crumpled husk
when corn-worms, swollen, slow, and waxy-fat
creep out of their exhausted habitat,
and set out on their journey to the sky.
But I, a flag that’s doomed to never fly,
but watch the sun go down below the flat,
unending earth, and tremble at my doom-
the hopeless night, and then be lowered down…
and folded up, and placed into my tomb:
an unmarked box, kept in an empty room,
an unremembered shelf, an unknown town,
and leave a naked rod stuck in the ground.
 

Good start. As leah would say...carry on.READ YOUR WORK OUT LOUD...listen for the crazy pauses, the stumbles and the up-speak where up-speak should not be. Correct accordingly. Most technical issues can be resolved by reading out loud. If you read your work in your head your thought processor corrects the errors but does not report them
Best,
tectak