mother

[Norimeknowreason]

I already posted once on this but deleted it. I'm sure you remember. I told you how much it reminded me of my mamaw.   I came back to re-read and try to improve on my critique skills.  I do think it is beautiful but as the reader I am left wanting more. I played a little bit. I don't think it's better than yours by anymeans, but  here goes...
now the sun rests
on a wall of night
the air
re-embers
the paisley apron
tied at your waist
Now it
dangles free
come back to me .
I really did feel this!!  Sometimes when I read  pieces I get it, but don't feel it, if you know what I mean. I think it needs a little bit more is all. THanks again for sharing ..<3