End of The Year

[tectak]

Hello zah,
I read this with the feeling that the narrator is trying very hard to express him/herself but is becoming increasingly aware of the  internal combustion,  call it emotional power, running out. As a deliberate structural device it would be fine but I think that concommitant with the weary, surreal imagery there is a winding down to nothingness...indeed, the penultimate stanza gives the game away. Dealing with the concept of a piece in a positive and constructive critique is not easy when profundity, obscurity and weariness of  content combine to drag the piece to an inconclusive end. Now, as I began, you may have intended to be cadent(ic)....but rather like a requiem you  fall and do not rise again. I would prefer a more catholic approach and by that I mean ending on a rising high.
Apart from the er...stylised...shall we say, grammar ( the first stanza is not a sentence. It hangs) I struggle to understand your use of no first person, animated fireworks that "set out" as against "going off", sudden ink, homespun cliche and a "but" -ted platitudinal end.
So I will call your "but" and raise you an "however"
It is, however, a good attempt at "poetry"...for that you get points.
Best,
tectak


Smudged on the horizon,
beneath the uncaring gray clouds,
farewell of the year

fireworks set out,
and the ink drips down to nothingness.
Life goes on.

But pain has the gift of rekindling,
and heart is its faithful torchbearer,
oblivious to the clamor to appease
by offerings from its flame;
they need more fireworks, for their celebrations.