Fags

[TimeOut]

One quick drag
a slow burn
crackled in your contemplation

Or maybe it just burned
straight to the butt

Was it worth the inhale?

Or was that exhale just
a jaded sigh?

[TimeOut]

Symbolic, and expresses a rather profound message.  However, I feel that the connotation of "butt," takes away from the profoundness.  Perhaps use a different analogy to express the intensity of the "flame."

I disagree. This poem is meant to express the equivocal nature of gay relationships. I purposely used 'butt' as a symbolic expression of taking it only for the purpose of getting it done. The speaker of the poem obviously is looking to the smoker for something more, 'the top', but comes up undecided as to the nature of their relationship.

[just mercedes]

This works for me. The only quibble I have is the 'jaded' which I think the reader works out for themselves. A brave poem in a way - the complications of a gay relationship. Keep writing!

[rayheinrich]

Symbolic, and expresses a rather profound message.  However, I feel that the connotation of "butt," takes away from the profoundness.  Perhaps use a different analogy to express the intensity of the "flame."

I disagree. This poem is meant to express the equivocal nature of gay relationships. I purposely used 'butt' as a symbolic expression of taking it only for the purpose of getting it done. The speaker of the poem obviously is looking to the smoker for something more, 'the top', but comes up undecided as to the nature of their relationship.

        "Equivocal nature of gay relationships" is SO 20th century.*

          Get on board the marriage train!


*And it promulgates the stereotype of gays having relationships that are less stable than straights
(as if this were possible ) that has been used to argue against adoption by gays and gay marriage.