we have to go easy on yer dan, it's the mild critique forum. 
good effort. though the last verse sounds a bit forced.
in the 1st verse, would swirl work better than shake?
not sure if the last line is needed in the 2nd stanza.
in the 3rd, would splash it in work better?
i'd try and make the last verse less catchy, less cheeky.
all in all i really like it. good effort, hope we see some more off you
good effort. though the last verse sounds a bit forced.
in the 1st verse, would swirl work better than shake?
not sure if the last line is needed in the 2nd stanza.
in the 3rd, would splash it in work better?
i'd try and make the last verse less catchy, less cheeky.
all in all i really like it. good effort, hope we see some more off you