04-09-2014, 12:24 AM
Hold back on the vitriol? No way! This shit has TEETH!!!! This is writing that burns with the passion of conviction, flames fanned by personal experience of these atrocities and injustices, and fueled by the loss of one's faith. This isn't an informative piece of work, this is meant for the eyes it is about, to sting and anger them. This is a direct assault, an expression of defiance, and meant to provoke feeling. Vitriolic and serrated, violently reaching in, and tearing open on its way out.
The purpose of poetry, of art, is to evoke emotion, to make us feel. Whether it's a subtle feeling that slowly sinks in over a period of time, sweetening in our hearts and minds each time we think of it; or a smack in the face that says "wake up, this is sick, this is real, this is how I feel." For the purpose of eliciting emotion, you're bullseye. "Suffocating the world of all it's treasures" I really like that. The last two lines are powerful, they make it personal, and pull the reader into not just what you think, but how you FEEL and why. I find it intelligent, we'll written and powerful...
One thing I don't understand, why a beach resort, why not play on biblical aspects like Eden, or paradise. The beach resort kinda cheapens it for me. I like the 'gods themselves' bit, it hints both to an attack on all organized religion, as well as how the people who preach in the One God, act as if they are themselves God. I myself do believe in a universal consciousness, but religion is a plague. For your first piece it was well aimed, strongly felt, and a great beginning. As for the form of it, punctuation, all of that; I don't know. I write lyrics. This poetry biz is new. Welcome to the world of writing.
The purpose of poetry, of art, is to evoke emotion, to make us feel. Whether it's a subtle feeling that slowly sinks in over a period of time, sweetening in our hearts and minds each time we think of it; or a smack in the face that says "wake up, this is sick, this is real, this is how I feel." For the purpose of eliciting emotion, you're bullseye. "Suffocating the world of all it's treasures" I really like that. The last two lines are powerful, they make it personal, and pull the reader into not just what you think, but how you FEEL and why. I find it intelligent, we'll written and powerful...
One thing I don't understand, why a beach resort, why not play on biblical aspects like Eden, or paradise. The beach resort kinda cheapens it for me. I like the 'gods themselves' bit, it hints both to an attack on all organized religion, as well as how the people who preach in the One God, act as if they are themselves God. I myself do believe in a universal consciousness, but religion is a plague. For your first piece it was well aimed, strongly felt, and a great beginning. As for the form of it, punctuation, all of that; I don't know. I write lyrics. This poetry biz is new. Welcome to the world of writing.
...I think it's safe to blame it on the high probability, that I am utterly insane...